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This is Alcohol Freedom Finders. This week we meet Debbie Mellow, a fellow alcohol freedom coach who shares how she began drinking regularly in her mid thirties and gradually reached three to four glasses of wine most nights, then spent years trying to control it, a breast cancer scare and eye surgery complication, and a small stroke. All focus the mind towards change. But it was a chance Book recommendation at a Weight Watchers meeting that helped her reframe alcohol. Stop chasing the never again thinking and use data points to make alcohol small and irrelevant. Debbie also explains how Weight Watchers self-compassion and ending negative self-talk, especially a daily mirror practice, all transformed her food and alcohol relationships now nearly seven years, alcohol free. After stopping at 62, She describes health, peace, authenticity, energy, and the courage to say yes to new possibilities, including being a coach. So let's dive in.

Justine Clark 0:58

So welcome everybody to another episode of the Alcohol Freedom Finders with myself, Justine Clark and Coach Barry. we are super excited to have Deb Meow today with us. She's a fellow freedom from alcohol coach and she actually specializes in that, relationship with both. and alcohol and that it's never too late. So let us dig into that. Welcome, Deb.

Deb Melo 1:28

Oh, thank you so much. I'm excited to be here with you.

Barry Condon 1:31

Yeah. it's lovely. lovely to see you, Deb. and thank you for joining us. so tell us a little bit about your journey and, and, and when did you realize that, you needed to change your relationship with alcohol?

Deb Melo 1:43

relationship? Yeah. I think I'm a little bit different than many people in that I grew up in a very alcohol naive. household. And so I really did not find myself drinking regularly until I was in kind of my mid thirties or so. and that was, you know, after I'd, you know, gone through college and put my husband through graduate school and had kids and, know, so we just, we were too poor to drink actually. But, I just found myself, you know, F starting to drink every, every evening. It, it just became kind of a, a thing very slowly, but all of a sudden I was, I realized you know, I was having a drink like every night. It was kind of our little cocktail hour, seemed very, you know, adult thing to do and That we, you know, it's just what people did. and so it really wasn't until, oh, probably my mid forties when I really started being like, and I'm a

Justine Clark 2:41

And I.

Deb Melo 2:41

nurse, so, you know, I was like, there, a lot of of information was coming out about, breast cancer, related to alcohol use and. that was kind of a wake up. I, I had a mammogram and I had a, I had to have a biopsy because they saw something on the mammogram

Barry Condon 3:00

Okay.

Deb Melo 3:01

out to be fine. but that was kind of a little bit of a wake up call and, you know, so that was always kind of in the back of my mind. And I would go through phases where, I would, you know, try and control my drinking, you know, try to like skip days or only have two glasses of wine instead of. You know, three, you know, that kind of thing. And, you know, and along the way, of course I was, know, overweight, as well as, as drinking more than I wanted to. And so, I decided to tackle the weight. Journey first. it seemed much more important at the time, and so through that, you know, I did because losing the weight was really important. So when I, I had that big goal, I was able to cut back quite a bit of my drinking because alcohol has a lot of calories so, you know, so that was helpful. And, you know, so I, I was

Justine Clark 4:01

Successful.

Deb Melo 4:02

and you know, but then the drinking kind of returned what I had previously been drinking, which I would say three or four glasses of wine a night. and you know, I continued to have it in the back of my mind that it was too much. and I, the other big thing I did was I went for my master's degree and so I was able to really cut back'cause I was working full-time and. Going to school full time. have time, you know, to, to drink. But, I had a really big scare in, in, well actually I wanna say something else first. I had a really big scare in 2018 and I had a macular hole develop in one of my eyes and I had to have surgery, and I had a small stroke in that eye after surgery and I was like, oh my gosh, like drinking cannot be helpful. FF to me.

Justine Clark 4:58

And

Deb Melo 4:58

that time, a fellow weight watch per, friend that I had, she told me about the Naked Mind, the, the book that Annie had written. And I had, I really had no idea where to turn, even though I was a nurse. I was like, I didn't, I didn't know where to go. I knew I wasn. You know, AA and, the traditional recovery programs were not for me, it just would not work. But, I got Annie's book and I literally, I read it in one night against her advice

Justine Clark 5:30

and I

Deb Melo 5:31

like, every page, I was just like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. this is me, this is me, this is me. And that was just, that was a huge life changer for me.

Justine Clark 5:41

Yeah, I mean there's so much in what you've told us already. I've been scribbling away here. But some of the key things that you've said is, and it was very similar for my mother too, and that that generation is actually, there was no money, spare money for alcohol. It wasn't available in, in the supermarkets, it wasn't available anywhere. So actually by the time you had time, which you did for a little bit there, and and money, you thought it was a, we were told by alcohol that this is a sophisticated thing to be doing. So it was almost enc. You've, you've reached the echelons of, of life and now you can enjoy a glass of wine with your meal or whatever. You know, it's not telling you that. any of the, any of the bad stuff. So I totally resonate with that. And then all of a sudden flip side shame kicks in, bites you in the bum, wake up in the morning and go, hang on a minute. This doesn't, this doesn't feel good. This feels ugh. And I'm a nurse and I know that there's, oh my God, and I've got this breast cancer scare. And then you are in a situation where you are, feel powerless you can't stop it and you know it's bad. This is where, as you've said, that this naked mind just comes in and takes the veil of shame away, breaks the illusion that Barry always talks about, and then you can deal with what's actually there, which is the, the, science behind the alcohol and start your own journey back. So, so much of what you said that just rings true for, for so many of us. And I love the weight thing I want Barry to talk about that in a bit as well because I know that it's the same for him. don't think I've got underneath the weight piece yet. still think I use it as a, a surrogate prop to sort of when I'm feeling sad, when I'm feeling glad. All the things that I use alcohol for, I still have a, a, a relationship with, dark chocolate and a relationship with that. Kind of sure that each meal is a nice meal. It has to be nice. It has to be being good to me. so many levels. So this is, yeah. So I'm really curious about that. So, let's start with the weight thing.'cause that's where you said you started. How did you overcome your struggle with weight? Well, I.

Deb Melo 8:04

I did join Weight Watchers. I, I had some friends that were very successful with that, and actually it was a wonderful program for me because it really helped me, pay attention to what I was eating. How much I was eating, like getting, you know, getting a better sense of what appropriate portions were. And I

Justine Clark 8:26

And I.

Deb Melo 8:27

and just that awareness,'cause we know awareness is, is, is part of that cycle of being able to do something about an issue. and along the way of that journey, which I. Started that in 2001 and I kind of, it's one of those things where you feel successful. So I stopped going to Weight watcher meetings and then I would gain some weight back and then I'd go back. And so I did that a couple times and one of the times that I went, the big topic that was being brought in was about self-compassion and really resonated with me and I. Really into that. And I was just like, I have to make friends with my body. Like I have to listen to my body pay attention to what it wants. And that was a life changer for me. and getting rid of that negative self-talk that was constant in my head both about, my weight and, and drinking. That was the turnaround for me with my weight I, you know, it's just I just really focused in on that and I mean, I felt like I changed a hundred percent when I did

Justine Clark 9:49

That.

Deb Melo 9:50

that negative self-talk. and it got me to a place with my weight where it, it, it really became effortless. to, to stay within a weight range. And I let my body kind of pick what that weight was gonna be because I was kind of older and I was like, what I, you know,'cause we pick this sort of, like maybe people will pick a weight. Well, I weighed this much in college. And I was

Justine Clark 10:18

It's that's.

Deb Melo 10:19

You know, I'm like 50 some, 55 years old or whatever. That's not realistic. So I really let my body decide of like where, what was a weight that was good for me that I could sustain easily and you know, so I got to that place before I stopped drinking. And

Barry Condon 10:39

That's really good.

Deb Melo 10:40

yeah.

Barry Condon 10:41

No, I was just gonna, I was just, oh, I, I had sort of a similar approach as well. I mean, I, I had a

Justine Clark 10:47

a

Barry Condon 10:48

bit of a health scare, high blood pressure, and started thinking, oh gosh, you know, actually I'm a bit overweight and. Then when I looked at it, actually you were quite overweight and, and you're still smoking and you know, and, and drinking too much. And I didn't really focus on the drinking'cause I just thought that's untouchable. that's where all ev

Deb Melo 11:08

all

Barry Condon 11:08

relaxed time, all my fun time, everything, everything good comes from that. So let's focus on

Deb Melo 11:12

on

Barry Condon 11:13

smoking. So I, I. Had struggled on and off for sort of 15 years with smoking and, but, but found Alan Carr, the book, which, which was quite an inspiration to a Annie Grace from her book. And he approaches it, you

Deb Melo 11:25

that,

Barry Condon 11:26

in the, in makes you see it for what it is bursts the illusion, and,

Deb Melo 11:30

allows

Barry Condon 11:30

allows you to keep smoking while you are reading it. And

Deb Melo 11:33

and

Barry Condon 11:33

you start to see it for what it is and you, and you begin to, Yeah, see through it

Deb Melo 11:38

it

Barry Condon 11:38

no longer wanted and, and

Deb Melo 11:39

And

Barry Condon 11:40

that, so I got off

Deb Melo 11:40

off

Barry Condon 11:41

smoking that way and then focused on,

Justine Clark 11:44

the,

Barry Condon 11:44

on the, on the, on the overeating and, and and, and it was all about, yeah,

Justine Clark 11:50

you,

Barry Condon 11:50

the, way that you, reward yourself, seeing that seeing the food for what it is, is important. You know, seeing sugar is something that's. Not particularly natural. and it's sort of, yeah, our systems can't really deal with it. And, and, and, and, and similarly with, with all the other sort of.

Deb Melo 12:07

of

Barry Condon 12:07

hyper processed food.

Deb Melo 12:09

Mm-hmm.

Barry Condon 12:10

you, when you start really looking at what's in it and

Deb Melo 12:13

and

Barry Condon 12:13

what, what's seeing it for what it is

Deb Melo 12:15

is and,

Barry Condon 12:15

and really tasting it. And then tasting something that's, you know, a whole food or,

Deb Melo 12:19

or,

Barry Condon 12:20

know, and tr retraining your palate and then.

Deb Melo 12:23

then

Barry Condon 12:24

It becomes easier and easier when you

Deb Melo 12:25

when you

Barry Condon 12:25

of realize, actually no, that's the real treat. And that's, you know, but, but

Deb Melo 12:28

but it,

Barry Condon 12:29

it is so difficult and it is so situational, as Justine said

Deb Melo 12:32

you

Barry Condon 12:32

that, you want it to, you want food. You still want food to be special, and you still want it to be a treat, and you still want it to cheer you up. and, and it's very, very easy to, to, to lean on old habits. And, and, you know, when, when I go back and I find.

Justine Clark 12:48

find all

Barry Condon 12:49

All these things, very situational, and when I go home to my to stay with my mom,

Justine Clark 12:53

mom,

Barry Condon 12:53

I find myself.

Justine Clark 12:54

myself

Barry Condon 12:55

Immediately inclined to eat any old crap that she's got in the, you know, and there's lots of sugary things and, and a bun and, and this and that. You know,

Deb Melo 13:03

and

Barry Condon 13:03

she's, You know, she's a typical mum,

Deb Melo 13:05

you know,

Barry Condon 13:05

oh, go on, have some more, some more, have some more, and I, and, and you're just,

Justine Clark 13:08

and you just,

Barry Condon 13:09

I'm being treated by my mum. I'll just eat like a pig. and then you wake up the next morning and you feel, ugh.

Deb Melo 13:15

go,

Barry Condon 13:16

And, and, and then,

Deb Melo 13:17

then, you

Barry Condon 13:17

if you think about it,

Deb Melo 13:18

it, you

Barry Condon 13:19

it's,

Deb Melo 13:19

it's,

Barry Condon 13:20

See it for what it is. And it's an illusion, you know, it's not really cheering you up, it's not really a treat, it's not filling you up, it's actually bringing you down. And,

Justine Clark 13:28

and

Barry Condon 13:28

yeah,

Deb Melo 13:29

yeah,

Barry Condon 13:29

I suppose it's this,

Deb Melo 13:30

this

Barry Condon 13:30

it's in the end, you know, it is a similar thing to, to, to alcohol. So

Deb Melo 13:34

Mm-hmm.

Barry Condon 13:35

finally

Deb Melo 13:35

and sort of,

Barry Condon 13:36

take a step with,

Deb Melo 13:37

with,

Barry Condon 13:37

alcohol? and, and, and how was that, you know, when you decided, okay, I've cracked, you know.

Justine Clark 13:43

you

Deb Melo 13:43

I've

Barry Condon 13:44

Myself, in a, in a good eating, regime and, and,

Deb Melo 13:47

and,

Barry Condon 13:48

and I'm happy

Justine Clark 13:48

with,

Barry Condon 13:49

what the, what the, results have been with that. Then what was, how did you sort of approach the alcohol side of things? You said you read the book with, with Annie,

Deb Melo 13:57

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Reading the book and, The thing, thing that really, the thing that really struck me when I read, when I read the book one of the, the reasons that I had not dealt with the alcohol in my life. My husband is a, and still is a very, very heavy drinker, and, I just. Couldn't imagine, not drinking. It was, it was just so ingrained in what we did. And I started thinking about, I, I, I just had this underlying feeling that it was going to impact our relationship if I stopped drinking. And then the other thing was there were parts of me that I couldn't imagine. life without alcohol, like never drinking again. Like I was just like, well, what if, you know, I go to a wedding and there's a champagne toast. Like all these ridiculous scenarios, you know? any, but it just I was just like, I just couldn't imagine it. So reading Annie's book and the thing that

Justine Clark 15:06

That relationship.

Deb Melo 15:06

she, she said, I've never told myself I can never drink, have a drink again. And I was just like, oh. You know, I, I don't have to do that. And I also tagged on to, wanted to make alcohol small and irrelevant in my life. was a goal that I could really hang on to. And I

Justine Clark 15:32

I think that.

Deb Melo 15:33

up my brain just say, okay, let's just go on this journey and see where it takes us.'cause I didn't have to make an, like an end point for it. quitting drinking.'cause, you know, and I really I didn't really know if that was gonna happen. so literally it was an overnight thing. I read the book, I got up the next morning, I was like, I'm, I'm not gonna, I'm gonna stop drinking. And of course that

Justine Clark 16:03

Night I had

Deb Melo 16:04

data point

Justine Clark 16:06

my,

Deb Melo 16:06

my

Justine Clark 16:06

my brain

Deb Melo 16:06

like, what do you mean you're gonna stop drinking?

Justine Clark 16:10

was, ha

Deb Melo 16:10

ha ha.

Justine Clark 16:11

ha. And so, you know.

Deb Melo 16:12

I had a couple glasses of wine. And I woke up feeling ho, you know, like I horrible that Mor, you know, I had a little bit of a headache. I didn't sleep well'cause it disturbed my sleep. You know? I was just like, okay, this is the thing that you don't want anymore. I never wanna wake up feeling like that again. I never wanna go to bed hating myself and, you know. Being, being mean to me because I had glasses of wine, like there were so many things I didn't want anymore. I was just like, I'm done. And literally I was done. Like I didn't, I just stopped. You know, and hard

Justine Clark 16:57

Hard and it.

Deb Melo 16:58

'cause my husband didn't really notice for a couple nights that I wasn't drinking.'cause I was putting like seltzer water in my wine glass. And he does, he didn't notice it. But anyway, but he, you know, he was not happy when I stopped drinking. But anyway, that's a different part of the story.

Justine Clark 17:17

Well, I love

Deb Melo 17:17

but

Justine Clark 17:18

the fact, I love the fact that you talk about, that you couldn't imagine a life not drinking yet Annie gives us this magic trick. Which you, you know, we, you fell into, I fell into, which is stop thinking that you have to stop drinking. So we, we relax and we stop thinking we have to stop drinking. And then all this time starts happening between us and alcohol, like a long trip. And we do make a little mistake, it's just called a data point. It's just information that we, we lean into and go, oh yeah, oh yeah, it only feels good for about 20 minutes and then I need another one. And then the next day all the information, and then there's this magic trick that happens where it goes from, I can't imagine stopping drinking to where I am now going. I actually can't imagine. Although I'm allowed to drink whenever I want, I am seriously if I wanna drink it Christmas day or celebrate or toast. But I can't imagine now drinking. I've literally many. This work has performed a magic trick. I've gone from not being able to imagine not drinking ever again for all the reasons I, how will my husband cope with me not drinking? How will my family think of me not drinking to this magic trick of going, cow, I can't imagine myself as a drinker. So. How did you, how, how, how would you help someone else reframe specifically their relationship with alcohol or food and the work that you do?

Deb Melo 18:59

Yeah. first, the first thing is, is that, you know, that it's never too late. and, and, and even, even younger people can sometimes think that, but particularly, you know, with the folks that are kind of in my age range, I'm 68 now. I stopped drinking when I was 62 and so I'm coming up on my seven year anniversary next month. Of being alcohol free. it's never too late. It's, there's no timeframe about how long it's gonna take somebody, that's the other thing is they want, know, you want instant results. And I think that's one thing that's very atypical about my story in a sense of, if you look at it on the surface, I basically decided one day I was gonna quit. I had one more night when I had wine then I didn't, I stopped drinking, which is, you know, it's ooh, spontaneous sobriety. But when I really thought about it, my journey was years in the making because of all the

Justine Clark 20:08

All the times.

Deb Melo 20:09

I stopped and started and, you know, cut way back like I could do that. I, I didn't under, I didn't know about the term gray area drinking until. You know, I started like thinking about being a coach, but it was like I was, I, I'm the typical gray area drinker, so it's like I could do that, I could, you know, sort of control it. But anyway, so like letting people know that that's okay and, and that the whole thing with the data points, The other big thing, like I mentioned earlier, is like self-compassion and stopping self-talk. I, I, I truly believe that that was the one of the biggest change, change makers in my journey for both food and alcohol, because once

Justine Clark 20:57

How,

Deb Melo 20:58

did that,

Justine Clark 21:00

how,

Deb Melo 21:01

a pardon?

Justine Clark 21:02

how?

Deb Melo 21:06

actually, so I can't even remember where I found this exercise, but, and I, I think it was

Justine Clark 21:13

I think.

Deb Melo 21:13

through some materials, through Weight Watchers, it was, I found this exercise and you started out by looking in the mirror, like really engaging your, looking into your eyes in the mirror and saying, I love you. It took me weeks to be able to do that genuinely and deeply, and I did that like every morning. It was like I did that, I forced myself to do that until I could finally do it and really mean it really meet myself. and

Barry Condon 21:55

really powerful. Really powerful,

Deb Melo 21:59

Yeah. and and. the,

Barry Condon 22:02

And, and starting at at 62. really inspiring as well. I, I've,

Justine Clark 22:08

I,

Barry Condon 22:08

I'm, I'm from 2018 as well, that was when I stopped. so I can resonate with the period, but, you know, I was a bit younger, but yeah, it, it, I thought, you know, there's no way, it's possible. And it wasn't until I felt okay, I had a bit of a rock bottom moment, so I need to take a break

Justine Clark 22:26

take a

Barry Condon 22:27

and then.

Deb Melo 22:28

you know, I'd struggle.

Barry Condon 22:29

I'd struggle for years and years trying to moderate, trying to not let it be a problem and, but never considered that not drinking could actually be better than drinking. and, and I think that's what this work brings to, as a, as a sort of alternative way of approaching it

Justine Clark 22:48

approaching.

Barry Condon 22:49

than than alcohol. Alcoholics Anonymous. Alcohol Anonymous was aa,

Deb Melo 22:52

AA

Barry Condon 22:53

Looks at it as it's all about not drinking and doing what you have to do to not drink. And the way that I approach it at least, or the way that I think about it

Justine Clark 23:01

about it

Barry Condon 23:01

and I

Deb Melo 23:02

think,

Barry Condon 23:03

think, you

Deb Melo 23:03

you

Barry Condon 23:03

that's how we look at it, is it's, it's about understanding that all the reasons we wanted to drink or think, you know, all the, all the motivations we had to drink were, were illusions. And that that actually,

Justine Clark 23:15

actually.

Barry Condon 23:16

you take away the reasons, you break them down all the reasons you think, alcohol's. Worth doing until you get to a point where actually it's got nothing to show you. And, and, but I still have those moments where, like you do, you said you,

Deb Melo 23:29

you

Barry Condon 23:29

the, the, I've had them, periodically where you're at a, at a party or whatever

Deb Melo 23:33

and

Barry Condon 23:33

are handing out champagne and you think, well, there's me, you know, without anything.

Justine Clark 23:37

anything.

Barry Condon 23:37

And you know, these days I'll just take one and go, yeah, cheers. And, and even have, even, you know, and if I feel like I need to feel like I'm not missing out, I'll, I'll even have a taste of it and realize I really hate the taste of it now because, you know, you can taste it for what it is.'cause it's, it's, you know, it's got ethanol in it and it, it's not what we made it out to be. and it just

Deb Melo 23:56

just

Barry Condon 23:56

reinforces, oh yeah, no, I don't need to do that. And so the next time you know, you, you'll just say, oh, no thanks. Or you'll find something else. But, but it's, it's about finding. Literally about finding freedom from the ideas that that alcohol was actually serving you. And, and not to sort of demonize it, that it's, it's wrong or, or what have you.

Justine Clark 24:14

But

Barry Condon 24:14

know, it, it's, at some point you, we made a switch and it wasn't, doing us any favors anymore. And that's okay. And actually

Deb Melo 24:22

mm-hmm.

Barry Condon 24:23

on the, on the other side of. of not drinking, you can actually feel better. And

Justine Clark 24:28

that, that's,

Barry Condon 24:29

that's very difficult to do. I would imagine, you know, for, for quite a daunting thing for someone in their sixties to think, well, I'm gonna change. Now. People might think, you know what, what's the point? But the point is that tomorrow will be better and the next day will be better, and the day after we're better. It's not oh. Maybe

Deb Melo 24:45

I've,

Barry Condon 24:45

I've damaged

Deb Melo 24:46

wish

Barry Condon 24:46

my, health. So what's the point now? no, you'll feel better tomorrow. And, and, yeah, that's really inspirational. what sort of surprises have you had for yourself, since stopping? have you been, have,

Justine Clark 24:57

have,

Barry Condon 24:57

you become fitter in any way or have you more vital or more energy?

Deb Melo 25:03

Oh, there,

Justine Clark 25:03

there's, there's

Deb Melo 25:05

just so much

Justine Clark 25:05

there.

Deb Melo 25:06

just,

Justine Clark 25:06

I'll just,

Deb Melo 25:07

tag onto

Barry Condon 25:08

because you look fantastic by the way. 60 eight's ridiculous. You look great.

Deb Melo 25:11

Thank

Justine Clark 25:12

you.

Deb Melo 25:12

You know, when you, when you were, were

Justine Clark 25:14

talking about, you know,

Deb Melo 25:16

having a

Justine Clark 25:16

a glass and

Deb Melo 25:17

the in, one of

Justine Clark 25:18

everything.

Deb Melo 25:18

things that I found when I stopped drinking

Justine Clark 25:20

Interesting. and I continued, had this little glass,

Deb Melo 25:23

beautiful blue Mexican glass wine

Justine Clark 25:26

glass that I used.

Deb Melo 25:28

And so I

Justine Clark 25:29

I started

Deb Melo 25:30

out by putting seltzer water in that

Justine Clark 25:32

asking, what I found is

Deb Melo 25:33

that, like the evening routine, it was

Justine Clark 25:36

without

Deb Melo 25:37

sitting down. Watching the news, having

Justine Clark 25:40

that class,

Deb Melo 25:41

sipping, didn't

Justine Clark 25:43

matter what was

Deb Melo 25:44

the glass and I never missed the wine. was just the act of doing it. you know, in a, within, I don't know, a short period of time, I just

Justine Clark 25:56

gotta review.

Deb Melo 25:57

glass. So I just, I would

Justine Clark 25:59

I would just.

Deb Melo 25:59

of these and, you know, sip on that. But it was, it was the habit. It was a bigger habit than that. But anyway, as far as what has surprised me, just, mean, just the peace that I have, waking up every morning and just knowing that no matter what happens on this day, it's gonna be amazing. And, I'm not worried about, I don't have to make decisions about drinking. Honestly

Justine Clark 26:32

not.

Deb Melo 26:32

have to make a lot of decisions about food because I know what I like to eat and I, I have those things in my, in my kitchen, know? So it's just like there's a huge amount of freedom with that. I, one of, one of my big parts of my journey, is when I stopped drinking it actually, I was actually able to start getting some counseling really. Rediscovering my authentic self letting go of kind of a lot of baggage that I had been using alcohol to numb myself from. And so doing that, it, it, it's just like the sense of peace and freedom that I have from all of those things has just, you know, been, been totally amazing for me. And, Yeah, I think, I think those are really the, the biggest things that I can think of. I just feel. my

Justine Clark 27:34

Life isn't

Deb Melo 27:35

and it's different. Like I, I don't even know what I'm supposed to feel like when I'm 68 or what,

Justine Clark 27:41

me. You know? It's just

Deb Melo 27:42

I just feel so alive and have, you know, so much energy and my

Justine Clark 27:47

curiosity.

Deb Melo 27:49

which had been really squashed for a long time, just like exploding. So.

Justine Clark 27:55

That's incredible. And of course, so, so many people heading towards, seventies start to go into it with a, a. The mindset that they're going into an obstacle course now that they have to dodge the bullets all the way through their seventies and beyond, you've actually, you know, you've got a bulletproof vest on now and, I don't know, there must be something in the water in 2018, because that's actually when I stopped drinking too. I had a bit of a moment through COVID, but there must have been something in the water in 2018 and now we're coming up to our seven year itch. What are we gonna do? What new exciting adventures behold us. I wonder, and just one other little thing I wanted to mention. I, I can see you sitting there watching the news and, and sipping your, little drink. And I'm, I'm also envious of that because. I was not a sipper at all. I was a gupa. I was like, there's no sipping in my, in my, relationship with, with drinking even now. So what am I saying here? I just wanted to, sort of reiterate that, that yes, your journey is, is exceptional and that you are coming up to your seven year itch. so that's, you know, up to two years before you hit 70. What kind of, what would you say to somebody else coming up to their seventies where, you've obviously replaced the fear of that with something else. So, the, the, the curtains and tell other people of your age what they can look forward to. On the other side of fear.

Deb Melo 29:33

Yeah.

Justine Clark 29:33

I think,

Deb Melo 29:34

I think, you

Justine Clark 29:34

you

Deb Melo 29:35

one, one of the

Justine Clark 29:35

I think that,

Deb Melo 29:36

That non-drinking has given me is that my health is much better. And you know, it's

Justine Clark 29:42

it's

Deb Melo 29:42

so, you know, I still, I still have a lot of physical ability. Like I walk almost every day. I'm very, you know, very active with that. and. I tend to be a first person anyway, who I focus on what I can do instead of what I can't do. even though, you know, the last couple years, like I've had to slow down

Justine Clark 30:07

Know last time,

Deb Melo 30:08

but I can still walk.

Justine Clark 30:10

like I.

Deb Melo 30:10

always looking at what I, know, what the possibility is to do that. I'll, I will tell you like one of the biggest adventures of my life has. Dec decide has been deciding to become a coach. and, and Justine, you know, a little bit. but it was just like, that was a huge decision for me to do that. It was so far out of my comfort zone, but I just want people to be able to find the same kind of freedom and possibility that I have. And yeah, it's, I, I, I just can't even express that. Kind of big enough. It's just there's such a huge world out there and there's so much going on and I just want to, I just wanna do it. Whatever comes my way, I say, I try to say yes,

Barry Condon 30:59

Brilliant. Yeah. And I

Deb Melo 31:01

yeah.

Barry Condon 31:01

I think, it's what, yeah, that, that coaching, you know. It's about sharing the, the, the, the possibilities of, an alternative way of looking at alcohol and or an alternative way of looking at things that we think we are reliant on, you know, food or smoking or, or alcohol or, you

Deb Melo 31:21

you know,

Barry Condon 31:21

know, too much social media, too much of anything the, these days, you know, that,

Deb Melo 31:24

that,

Barry Condon 31:25

that, that drives our, you

Deb Melo 31:26

our

Barry Condon 31:26

Spikes are dopamine and, and then generally, gives us a lower baseline. All those things, you know, the, there is.

Deb Melo 31:33

is.

Barry Condon 31:34

An alternative way of finding, of seeing them for what they are and, and, and taking back control, in a really positive way. And, yeah, I think that's, you just, just, you know, it's very inspiring, to hear, you know. People feel like, oh no,

Deb Melo 31:49

no,

Barry Condon 31:49

I'm, I'm of a certain age, therefore I am set in my ways. Change isn't possible,

Deb Melo 31:54

therefore,

Barry Condon 31:54

you know, at any age, you know, the, the, the science will show you that neuroplasticity, you can change habits, you

Justine Clark 31:59

You can,

Barry Condon 32:00

you can start to break up, sort

Justine Clark 32:02

the

Barry Condon 32:02

you know, the, the, the, the, your, the way that you approach situations

Deb Melo 32:06

and,

Barry Condon 32:07

change really is possible. so. We've reached that sort of time, where we like to ask our guests, what three words best describe, how, what finding freedom from alcohol means to them. So do you have three words for us?

Deb Melo 32:20

I do have three words, so my first word was, is authenticity and just being able to get back to my authentic self and, and in some respects, I, I don't even know if. I don't feel like I knew my authe authentic self when I was younger, to be honest with you. but authenticity and just being my whole person is huge for me. my second word is peace. you know, as I described, like just. Just waking up every morning like, it's okay. Everything is okay. and then it's funny, the third word I

Justine Clark 33:00

I started with.

Deb Melo 33:02

I moved to, to, transformation. But what I stuck with is evolution. Like I, the past seven, seven years have been a process of evolution. Again, into my authentic self, but it's that continual growth and being open to whatever's happening.

Justine Clark 33:25

I love that so much and, that evolution that, if we are working from a pa place of peace, and I'm gonna do your exercise. If we're working from a place of I love you for what you are today, not what you should be tomorrow, then we all have, a breath and. Expansiveness to, to offer ourselves and the world. So Deb, how can others find you if they resonate with your story, your journey, and would like to talk to you? You about coaching

Deb Melo 33:56

Yes, well my

Justine Clark 33:56

website.

Deb Melo 33:57

full heart coaching.net. And, I also have a Facebook, page, for full heart coaching as well as my personal page. And I can be contacted at DA Melo, MEL o@fullheartcoaching.net if anybody wants to contact me.

Barry Condon 34:18

Brilliant. Okay. We'll put those in the show notes. well, thanks very much. It's been, it's been

Deb Melo 34:23

been

Barry Condon 34:23

really wonderful.

Deb Melo 34:23

wonderful. I've really enjoyed this

Justine Clark 34:26

Afternoon.

Deb Melo 34:27

talking with you. Thank you.

Justine Clark 34:29

And it, it, it, it really opened my eyes too, to remind me that this isn't just a journey about, substance. It's really a journey about self. and that evolution of self. So thank you for the reminder. It's not all about a, a battle and a struggle. it can be about, that peacefulness and, and being gentle to self too.

Deb Melo 34:50

Yep.

Barry Condon 34:52

Yeah. that authenticity is really a thing that you, that, that you realize the thing that you thought was helping you get through was actually holding you back. And, and, and, That, that I, I always thought, you know, get home for, for, you know, get through the day, you know, you're all stressed and, and, and, you know, open that bottle of wine and de-stress. And, and, and of course, you know, it does do that for, for,

Deb Melo 35:18

for

Barry Condon 35:18

for an hour or two, because it's a relief. but it's a relief from, The stress that it actually is then building up your body's reaction to the drinking is more, cortisol is more, adrenaline is more, you know, lowering your baseline of, of, of the good feelings. And you wake up in the morning and it's, you know, you've made things worse and, and it's very difficult to appreciate that when you're in it. But, yeah, what

Deb Melo 35:43

that, that

Barry Condon 35:43

it

Deb Melo 35:44

it

Barry Condon 35:44

of.

Deb Melo 35:44

of,

Barry Condon 35:45

Have you on this, on a treadmill of, of that, that it feels like you can never get off. but when you do and you can look yourself in the mirror and, and, and meet yourself and you think, oh yeah, amazing.

Deb Melo 35:57

yeah, This wasn't really pertinent for, you know, the, the earlier part of our session, but actually stopped drinking. Uh uh, my mom had very significant dementia she had a very negative, difficult kind of dementia. She was very angry and. Everything. I actually stopped drinking nine months before she died and I, you know, and she was in, she was in an assisted living facility, but I basically had to see her every day because of her behavior. so I was amazed that I could choose to do that. Because it was extremely stressful, caring for her. but there was one hallmark moment, and I think it was about two months after I stopped drinking I was driving to the store. It had been a horrible day with her, I'm driving to the store and I'm like, man, this was a hard day. If I was still drinking, I would definitely have a drink tonight. I was like. Whoa. Did I just hear myself say that? you know, it was like my identity had changed from, I'm a person who drinks to deal with stress, to, I'm not a person who drinks with stress, but if I was still drinking, I would, you know, Yeah, it was, it was

Barry Condon 37:14

Yeah, you still, we

Deb Melo 37:15

of

Barry Condon 37:15

still get those situations that, you know, the, the little triggers, the little, thing. Oh yeah, this would've been a situation. And it's lovely to be able to look at it and go, thank God I don't have to do that anymore.'cause that'll just have made it worse.

Deb Melo 37:26

yeah. I mean, I, in that moment, I was just so grateful of oh, I, I don't have to think about this anymore.

Barry Condon 37:32

Mm-hmm.

Deb Melo 37:33

So

Barry Condon 37:35

But something I don't know. I, I, I wish I could think of the who it was. I was listening to a podcast last week about dementia, and we tend to sort of think, we look at our family and think, oh gosh, you know, there's dementia in the family, or this, you know. and sort of some of the latest, science is showing that it's very little. It's quite a small portion that is genetic and it's actually that lifestyle is really much more influential than people, want to think. And actually, yeah. So that's a, that's a really good thing. You know, I've got quite a lot of dementia in my family, but, you know, there was a lot of, a lot of drinking and a lot of rubbish food

Deb Melo 38:07

and,

Barry Condon 38:08

and all that kind of stuff as well, with those people. So I, I, you know, I think

Deb Melo 38:11

the healthier,

Barry Condon 38:12

the healthier lifestyle we choose, the, the, the, the healthier mind we're, we're, we're gonna be given, I hope.

Deb Melo 38:18

mm-hmm. Yeah.

Justine Clark 38:21

Couldn't agree more. My mother also had dementia and one of the reasons I stopped was I don't wanna be the. Like that.