This is Alcohol Freedom Finders. In this episode, we welcome coach Tim Kelly. Tim shares his personal journey of overcoming alcohol addiction, the multiple attempts and various treatments, and eventually finding solace through Annie Grace's this naked mind. Tim discusses his moments of realization, the support of his fiance. And the transformative 30 day alcohol free experiment, which marked the turning point in his life. Now, Tim aims to help others by working with employers to provide support programs for their employees. Learn about the key elements that made freedom from alcohol possible for Tim, the importance of self-awareness being present, and the significance of reclaiming personal power. Tune in to hear how Tim is making an impact through coaching and inspiring others on their paths to an alcohol free life. On a technical note, we unfortunately had problems with the recording software on this episode, so the sound is pretty ropey it, but it's definitely worth persevering. Hello there. It gives me a great pleasure to introduce a fellow coach, Tim Kelly. Welcome to freedom Alcohol Freedom Finders podcast. Tim, it's so exciting to have you with us. I see that you also want to bring programs to employers so that they can roll that out to their employees. So taking the shame out of freedom on a wide scale. Thank you for having me here and that is correct. I'd definitely like to have a bigger audience and the employers bring that to me. That's great. Thanks for joining us Tim. We'll take us back to earlier in your journey and let us know and the listeners know how things were when you came to realize you needed to change your relationship with alcohol. What, what was going on that made you think, okay, I've gotta change. Thanks Barry. I would say, I'd always been around alcohol, in my growing up high school, college, all that good stuff. And then professionally, business entertaining. Don't always been around alcohol. I saw it as a tool part of my life, and probably 10 years ago I went off a cliff. Everything was okay until it wasn't. And then it really wasn't. And everybody around me knew that I was in trouble. I knew I was in trouble. And I had tried every form of treatment. Everyone around me, every only thing everyone knew was 12 step. And so treatment centers, AA meetings. I ran AA meetings or chaired AA meetings. And it just never clicked with me. I was certainly powerless at the time but I wasn't powerless. I knew I was never powerless. It's never been in my DNA, so to speak. So I realized I needed help. Everyone else needed, knew I needed help. And like I said, the more I tried, the more I didn't get any better and didn't see a way out. And, multiple rock bottoms and to the point where, trips to the er, multiple arrests an arrest where I was handcuffed to a hospital bed until my blood alcohol content was low enough for me to be processed into jail. I knew I was destroying my family. My kids at that point were trying to live their lives and get their footing in life and. I wasn't there and they're adults now, but yeah, so I realized I needed help naturally and I just, it wasn't, nothing was working for me ultimately. And I think a major turn for me was my fiance now had found me drinking again, and she didn't kick me out this time. She did the first time, rightfully this time she didn't. She was certainly disappointed, pissed off, but she was there with support and accountability. Can I just stop you please and ask you, I'm really curious, and I want you to keep telling us about this, but I wanna know what you think it is that kept taking you back. What is your kind of, what were your trigger? At that point I got, probably couldn't put my finger on it. Justine. I, I do know as compared to today, I am comfortable in my skin for the first time in my life. And that's one of the things that being alcohol-free is brought to me. But I just, I was never comfortable and I said I had a successful career, but I always felt like an imposter that I didn't belong. Where I was, even though I was very successful at it. And so the triggers were just, anytime something went wrong or I just was uncomfortable, that was the tool, that was, I knew what it did, it took care of the problem in that moment, and what I didn't know was that it wasn't solving anything. So how did you find freedom then? Ultimately, after all, all those attempts and all those sort of 12 step. Programs and rehabs and stuff. So Barry, I I guess said when Tracy, my fiance, didn't kick me out almost at the same time. I stumbled across Annie Grace and This Naked Mind, read the book, joined a 30 day live alcohol experience experiment. I still say to this day, the best$48 I've ever spent in my lifetime. And I haven't had a drink since. Everything, whatever happened right in that moment, everything came together. And like I said, and now I'm sitting here with both of you, I'm coaching this Naked Mind and the live alcohol experiment really clicked with me and got me on the path to just to, be alcohol free and see what is on the other side. Does it, I celebrate that. It's amazing. So I do, first of all, I want to know how many, how long you've been alcohol free for.'cause the statistics say that it can take us a long time to make it stick up to eight times of trying. I don't know how many times you've tried and how long you've been alcohol free for. Yeah. It's a lot more than eight times. Okay. And it'll be four years in November, so next month. Brilliant. Wow. And can you put your finger on what part of the program really made things stick for you? Was it the fact that you realized, you talked about powerless versus having power before with the aa? Was it the fact that you were put back in the driving seat? What was it for you? I think the power was a big thing, Justine. And one of the big, I think the biggest thing for me was. Being aware and being present. And one of the things that, and you're both familiar with Sam Goldfinch, he was one of the alcohol experiment coaches when I was there. And he talked about, your f your fingers or your hands, they can't be anywhere where you're not. And I find myself today, if I find myself drifting that way or that way, I just, my fingers,'cause it's right here. So being present in the moment. Appreciating the moment, whether it's, a good moment or a bad moment, but just getting into the moment and sitting with it and just appreciating it for what it is. And if there's something there to pick out or pull a thread, I'll do that. But otherwise realize that it's in the moment and that moment I'll never have again. Once that moment's there, it's gone. And so being present in the moment and just being aware of emotions, feelings that. I don't have to address all of those right now. I could acknowledge them, tell them I see you there. I know you're there. I'll come back to you later. But I don't have to run from it, hide from it. Certainly never ignore it, but just put it on the back shelf for a moment until I'm ready to deal with it, when I'm ready to deal with it. Very good. Very. And so you started with that, that 30 day experiment. And then and then what came next? And what, how did you take it after that? Did you say, okay, that's what I'm done or did you make a plan for I won't drink for a bit longer or, I was done. Yeah, I was finished. I I continued to other sources alcohol explained dove into the subject, got more education around it, I would say, but, followed this Naked Mind Facebook page. I did join another live alcohol experiment maybe a year and a half later. And it wasn't because I was worried, it was because it helped me so much. The first time I felt,$48 again it can't hurt. And so I did the second one and. That's been it, but I was just finished. Yeah. I love the, this repetition, the idea of repetition, education, even not even as coaches I'm, I celebrate being a coach, not just because I get to the ripple effect of helping others, but also. Each time I go over the material, each time I repeat the a, a new behavior, it's some way leveling up what's around us in society, about a lifetime of people telling us it's a birthday, it's a funeral, it's a wedding, it's a day. So each time we revisit and celebrate what it's like to live free of alcohol that kind of reeds that information. For you what is the kind of what kind of things are you doing with yourself when you would normally be drinking? So pre you talked about, talking about I'll deal with that later and uncomfortable feelings. But for you, was it the coming home from work? What did you put in the way of that, that, that moment I'm curious to know how other people deal with it? For me, it was very much about. Creating a substitute to start with, choosing something else to drink and choosing a glass I wanted to drink from. For you, what were the practical, what were the practical steps you took as well? I probably, I always enjoyed reading, so I would read more. And, I never went into the practice of, replacing a drink. With an alcohol free drink or whatever. Now I do have a, alcohol free drinks every once in a while. Go to happy hour with friends once a month, and alcohol, free beer, a couple alcohol free beers there. But early on it was reading getting outside more. Literally just nothing that I specifically sought out. Just, I said build out the reading. Just trying to get more education. And what what have you found in the sort of new life alcohol free, what have you found that's been difficult? Have there been struggles that you've had to come to terms with or situations where you found more difficult around not drinking specifically Barry? Yeah. Yeah. Or just I actually have not. And I, that amazes me because, life still happens, right? I had a cancer diagnosis two years ago and went to the oncologist last week. Things are good for the time being. My fiance's going through health issues right now. I'm still rebuilding the trust of my adult children. And it's uncomfortable, right? And life still happens, but I have not had. An instance where I thought a drink will solve this problem. It is, it's been sitting with it dissecting the feelings, the emotions, and that I do have the power to choose how I react, how I respond, that it's in me, it's nowhere else. And in terms of having cancer, I'm so sorry to hear that. I didn't know that, Tim, but you can also, knowing in yourself that. You are putting yourself in the best possible situation for repair, restore, because alcohol creates such inflammation systemically that people don't talk about. Like we may know, we may be told that alcohol is bad for us and causes problems in the long run, but we don't know about how much inflammation it causes in the short term. So if you are trying to recover from an illness or you whether that's physical or mental. Putting alcohol in the picture just means that the immune system that would want to try and deal with the cancer cells can't because the liver has to deal with the imminent danger of processing alcohol. So you can celebrate that for yourself for sure. I'm sorry to hear that the kids are taking a while to come back to you from my personal experience. The, one of the main reasons I stopped drinking was because I could feel my children slipping away from me. And they were only, they weren't even 10, they were very young. They were I think probably eight and six and my 8-year-old. If I was, if I'd left the house, she would start not love bombing me. I don't know what mum bombing me with messages going, when are you coming home? When are you coming home? Not'cause I was gonna be out particularly late. Because she feared the altered state that I would be in. And not that necessarily I was going to be stumbling drunk and falling all over the place, but that I was just a different person. And, she will remember that unfor, not unfortunately, she will remember that for her life no matter what I do now, which is alcohol free and always there to drive and always there to, be that kind of clearheaded support for her and her journey. They won't, I can't undo that. They, she has felt unsafe, unseen, and unheard by her mother. And that, that makes me feel even if it was just for a short period of time, those, that, that makes me feel really sad. So I'm sure your children will have lots of admiration, respect for the. The journey that you're on now, but I can imagine it'll take them a hot minute. Yes, it's a very good friend of mine told me early on baby steps, and I've never been a baby step person, right? I've always, I'm here, you're gonna get all of me, and I want it all right now. Pardon me. And I tried that early on and with my kids. And like I said, they're adults now. But. 10 years ago they weren't. And so it's taken a long time to rebuild that trust and we're much better than we were to say the least. They saw me at my worst. And like you said, they are proud of what I'm doing. Where I am from, where I was and then I'm coaching. When I went to a basketball game with my son last year was in town and went to a basketball game and I told him about coaching. And his first question was, that's great. And then it was, you're not quitting your job, are you? It's like the real practical side of it. So they're proud. They're happy, but again, it's still, I would be if I were in their shoes, not trusting because the damage that I did was deep. And when someone asks you about a why, that's my why. Even though they're adults, I want them to see and know that I'm the dad, that I was the man, that I am not the dad that they saw in that snapshot of time. That was an absolute mess in their lives. That's brilliant. Yeah. And I can resonate with it as well. I, I can remember times when my young kids were, worried about me when actually, I was supposed to be the parent and they were parenting me because I was, if I was drunk and they worrying if I would get back to the holiday home from the pub and that kind of thing. Yeah. It's, yeah, no it's not a nice thing. And it does take time to to bring that trust back. So tell us about things now that you are coaching to, to companies. Tell us about that. How did you get into that and what sort of what sort of service do you offer them? So my professional background has been dealing with employers, pardon me, and their employee benefit plans. Whether it's disability, dental, insurance, life insurance, so a benefit offering that an employer. Would be offering to their employees. So I've dealt with employers for almost 30 years, and so outside of my one-on-one coaching, the next step in my coaching building the practice is introducing it to employers. And my first step is the 30 day program. No charge. Just introduce me to your employees. Everything's confidential. The employer doesn't know anything about it because we do know that the hidden cost. That the employers are paying for the employees from absenteeism, presenteeism. But just rolling that and program out to them. Introduce me to their employees, the employees, with me one on one email, video. And then from there, the employers out of it, and it's just between me and the employees if they want to continue with me one-on-one coaching. That's where the coaching practice sits right now. They said one-on-one coaching. And building out the employer side of it. I love that. I love that you've got a a way in there.'cause in my experience, both as a drinker, an ex drinker and a coach, is that there's so much stigma and shame around drinking. So even if you need help or want help personally or in a group it's the last thing that people want to even start to recognize in themselves. People can probably Google at the end of the night, am an alcoholic, how much is too much and all the rest of it. And people ask me often, if I'm moderating what is a moderate amount and can I moderate? And it dawned on me recently when I was digging back into the material that actually the question that you can ask yourself, is a DD, do I feel like, does it feel like I can moderate. Does it feel like I can moderate chocolate? Yeah, I probably can. It'll take a bit of work, but I probably can reduce my increasing, half a block down to a quarter of a block. I could probably manage that. Can I moderate drinking? Or maybe the first night I could have two drinks, but I know that just opens a can of worms of, oh. What's gonna happen with the rest of the bottle and, oh, if I drink this week, does that mean that the next event I could, I just know that the answer straight away, playing it forward is no. So having you in a, in inside the space of discomfort, offering something that's uncomfortable to ask for and even more uncomfortable to accept is to, is amazing. I think that you've really got something there to be. I'm here. I'm ready and waiting for you, come and talk to me. I think that's brilliant. I think, and thankfully mental health is such a, still a, there's a stigma attached to it, but it's much more something we're comfortable talking about today. Alcohol. Not so much. There's a Major Sigma and from an employer perspective that it's encouraged a lot of times. I know it. Again, business, entertainment we had bars in our offices and we were, again, it was part of, it was part of life. And so for an employer to be able to stay. We don't encourage it one thing, but then number two, to be able to say, we know it's an issue and it can be an issue. Here's an offering and it has nothing to do with the employer themselves, but we know you need help. You may need help, and if you do, we're here to help you along that path. That's really good. And, I commend employers for being open-minded to it because Yeah.'cause it can be, like you said, it can be a stigma thing. And employees can be, can think, I don't wanna, don't anyone at work to know, that I might be drinking a bit too much and but it can be in this day and age, it with the sort of right frame of mind from that, from the employer. The employer, as you said, the absenteeism, the presenteeism, the. The general benefit to them if their employees are healthier. And approaching it just as that, just as a way to educate and help employees to be to be healthier and be better in themselves. It's really powerful. When we, do these podcasts? We like to ask it when we get to the end for everyone to come up with three words that describe how it's been finding freedom or what finding freedom from alcohol means to them. Do you have the, do you have three words for us that, that represent that? I would say freedom is the catchall, right? It starts with, everything sits in freedom. I'm not tethered to anything. I have the power to make choices about how I deal with life, and that's my power. So the freedom sits there and that's, that comes with peace as well. I think outside of Freedom, Barry, I would say present and aware and again, the presence, I talked a little bit earlier, just being in that moment and, quickly, I. The mundane things being president. I had a video, I posted a video the other day of talking about making coffee and I've always been, a Keurig, the the pod guy and now it's a percolator and it's mundane. It's a few extra steps, but what I'm just present in that little mundane activity, it's calming. It just resets my brain. And so being present and then the awareness of being able. That again, it's my emotion, it's my feeling and I'm responsible for it and how I let it affect me or not affect me. Wonderful. Freedom. Yeah. Presence and awareness and really good. Really good. None of those things are, none of those wonderful things are possible with the weight of withdrawal and craving, pressing in on us from the moment we wake up. With the hangover or that kind of sense of disappointment and shame following through to the rest of the day when the cravings start to kick in and you're either battling them or giving into them. So those three things, presence, awareness, and freedom come from choosing yourself and finding a way to move forward. Thank you so much for those. Wise words and indeed, you being here with us today. It's been a pleasure talking with you, Tim. Likewise. Thank you for inviting me. Yeah. And tell people where they can find you. And yeah, no, you've already said a bit about the services that you offer, but tell us wh where can people find you, and we'll put that in the show notes as well. Oh, thank you. It is onward af coaching.com. Brilliant. On that note, onwards and upwards. Onwards and upwards. Yeah. Onward. There we go. Thanks, Tim. Justine Berry. Thank you.