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This is Alcohol Freedom Finders. This week we talked to Carrie Walters from Michigan. Carrie is now a seasoned coach helping high achieving women, but she takes us back to 2020 when she was deep in the struggle of drinking every night and hangovers and anxiety every day with a relationship, strained and self-doubt about the kind of mother she was to her young kids. She used curiosity to find her way out. Let's jump in and find out how.

Justine Clark: 0:28

So, everybody. I am genuinely

Cari Wolters: 0:31

Hey, everybody I

Justine Clark: 0:32

be more

Cari Wolters: 0:33

excited today could be more delighted and excited to hear Harry.

Justine Clark: 0:38

curious life coach, and we can't wait to hear her alcohol freedom finder story. I.

Barry Condon: 0:46

Hi,

Cari Wolters: 0:46

I'm so excited to share. Hey guys,

Barry Condon: 0:49

Great to see you. Great to

Cari Wolters: 0:50

great to see you. Good to see you.

Barry Condon: 0:51

we've known each other

Cari Wolters: 0:52

we've known each other now for, what is it, eight months? Nearly two. That's right.

Barry Condon: 0:55

and I know a little bit

Cari Wolters: 0:56

And I know a little bit about.

Barry Condon: 0:58

from, from sort of times when we've,

Cari Wolters: 1:00

Story times when we've had,

Barry Condon: 1:01

group,

Cari Wolters: 1:02

group,

Barry Condon: 1:02

our own stories.

Cari Wolters: 1:03

our own story. yeah. so why don't you take us back to when you first sort of

Barry Condon: 1:08

something about.

Cari Wolters: 1:10

thought about

Barry Condon: 1:10

drinking

Cari Wolters: 1:11

the way I'm drinking,

Barry Condon: 1:12

you know, how that came

Cari Wolters: 1:13

how that, you know, how that came about.

Barry Condon: 1:14

how you, ultimately

Cari Wolters: 1:15

How you

Barry Condon: 1:16

alcohol

Cari Wolters: 1:16

found, alcohol freedom.

Justine Clark: 1:17

So

Cari Wolters: 1:18

Yeah. So

Justine Clark: 1:19

me

Cari Wolters: 1:19

thank you for having me, Barry and Justine, my friends from afar, as I'm in the United States and you guys are across in your countrys, which is beautiful. just so grateful to be here with you. My story started

Justine Clark: 1:31

started

Cari Wolters: 1:32

I started getting curious, should we say, hence sober curious life coach. I like to lead myself in curiosity and it. Has really been a theme throughout my entire life, when it comes to alcohol. And so in 2020 I decided I needed to get curious with substance, the substance of alcohol, right? I was like, gotta get curious of like, do I need this anymore? Do, do, is this do? Is this really bringing me joy and all the things?

Justine Clark: 2:00

I

Cari Wolters: 2:01

I just had to go into this state of questioning myself of

Justine Clark: 2:04

is

Cari Wolters: 2:04

what is this substance and is it what I think it is?'cause I'm giving a lot of power to it. And it almost felt like I was losing myself in, in October of 2020. And so let's rewind back to curiosity. Curiosity started when I was a little girl. I was very curious.

Justine Clark: 2:19

my

Cari Wolters: 2:20

in my home and, and who I was. And curious, curious about my faith. Curious about what it was to be a woman in this, world. Curious about,

Justine Clark: 2:29

connect

Cari Wolters: 2:29

how to connect with God. I was just, curiosity was everywhere. And one thing that wasn't in my house as a child

Justine Clark: 2:37

alcohol,

Cari Wolters: 2:38

alcohol,

Justine Clark: 2:38

was no

Cari Wolters: 2:39

so there was no curiosity there.

Justine Clark: 2:41

Alcohol.

Cari Wolters: 2:42

Alcohol wasn't existent. I grew up in a religious home, and so it was kinda like, oh,

Justine Clark: 2:46

That's

Cari Wolters: 2:46

that's a non-issue. However, what happened for me and my personality, because I'm very,

Justine Clark: 2:52

but

Cari Wolters: 2:52

curious, but also like,

Justine Clark: 2:54

little

Cari Wolters: 2:54

a little rebellious, right? Is, oh, there's no alcohol in the house. I, yeah, exactly. I wonder why and when I maybe leave the house, what will that be like, what, what role will alcohol play? And I was very curious about that. So, I had, you know. Minimal experiences with alcohol in my teenage years. But then once I left the house and became of age here in the States at 21 years old, you know, I had my first drinks with my brothers and that's really the curiosity began. And I, kind of felt good when I drank alcohol. Like it gave me, you know, that buzz, I don't think that I would even recognize it just kind of like relaxed me, but it wasn't anything I was too much more curious about beyond that and. That's really where it started for me. And it just sort of increased over time, right? And so my curiosity was like, oh, I had a hard day at work. I think maybe I should have a glass of wine. You know, oh, my coworkers are going out for happy hour, I should drink. So that's how it kind of all began. But it all was out of that lens of curiosity,

Justine Clark: 4:01

yeah,

Cari Wolters: 4:01

and it was a slow growth. It was super slow and gradual.

Justine Clark: 4:06

resonate with that. It's

Cari Wolters: 4:08

Totally

Justine Clark: 4:08

I don't know, as you were talking, it

Cari Wolters: 4:10

like, I know

Justine Clark: 4:11

being that teenager and

Cari Wolters: 4:12

for

Justine Clark: 4:13

It's almost

Cari Wolters: 4:14

finding

Justine Clark: 4:15

know, when everything's so tricky as a teenager and you don't quite know who your friends are and which

Cari Wolters: 4:19

alcohol, I know who your

Justine Clark: 4:20

and which girls are

Cari Wolters: 4:21

are and which boy likes you and which

Justine Clark: 4:22

one

Cari Wolters: 4:23

like, you go,

Justine Clark: 4:24

always

Cari Wolters: 4:24

got the lump thing.

Justine Clark: 4:25

oh my God, I

Cari Wolters: 4:26

He's gonna be my friend. Oh my God. I found it. And how cool that.

Justine Clark: 4:29

alcohol

Cari Wolters: 4:30

almost like

Justine Clark: 4:31

buddy that you,

Cari Wolters: 4:32

alcohol becomes the

Justine Clark: 4:33

and you

Cari Wolters: 4:33

buddy that

Justine Clark: 4:33

you are, you

Cari Wolters: 4:34

go out with and you feel like you are, you know, like your bulletproof.

Justine Clark: 4:38

with that in mind,

Cari Wolters: 4:39

What,

Justine Clark: 4:39

what was

Cari Wolters: 4:40

with that in mind, what was your

Justine Clark: 4:42

realizing that maybe alcohol

Cari Wolters: 4:44

realizing.

Justine Clark: 4:45

friend, actually she was a toxic friend. when did you start to notice that? Yeah, so

Cari Wolters: 4:51

Yeah, so that was in 20 19, 20 20. The pandemic really had nothing to do with it, honestly for me.'cause I was still, I was drinking every night anyways. And so that is when I realized that my best friend. Alcohol at that time, was taking over everything. It, I needed it to function. I needed it for my anxiety. I needed it to take care of me. I needed it after my kids went to bed. I needed it in order to achieve in my work. I've been in the business world for a decade now and I was able to build a couple brands. Through my own voice and branding and with another other companies, and I was always achieving to get to the, the top and alcohol got the credit for that. I almost like gave alcohol the credit like, ah, I can do this because I'm drink, you know, I'm drinking at night. Take the edge off. And so, it became pretty toxic, I would say. That's a good, good word for it. And then it started to, you know.

Justine Clark: 5:55

affecting

Cari Wolters: 5:56

Really affecting my relationships with my husband and my children. My children maybe didn't even realize it, because I was pretty high functioning. But, I did have a defining moment after a year and a half of becoming curious. So I did from October, 2020 until 20 February of 2022. So about a year and a half. I. I got curious again of what would it be like without my best friend? What would it be like without my alcohol buddy? You know, what would it be like if I went to my friend's house without alcohol? And I just started to become, you know, more mindful. And in that journey, my children realized I was drinking less.

Justine Clark: 6:41

Started

Cari Wolters: 6:41

And they started realizing, they said to me, mom, you don't have your wine glass out anymore. I was like, oh my goodness, you're right. I said, that's a really good observation. And I mean, we're talking, they're ten nine and like, you know, five at the time. And so they're noticing that mom's wine glass isn't full of wine anymore. Or actually it was non-existent. Right. And so then, February, 2022 comes around. I have been on and off mindfully drinking days, weeks, months without it. And then. February, 2022 comes around and I, it's Super Bowl party and here in the States, man, it should be a holiday, honestly. that's when we just like all watch football and, drink.

Justine Clark: 7:27

had.

Cari Wolters: 7:28

And I had, I had wine with my girlfriend and my son and I had, had wine in weeks and my son comes around the corner and, you know, he just said to me, mom, I didn't think you were doing that anymore. Or, and I was like.

Justine Clark: 7:43

Drop.

Cari Wolters: 7:44

Like mouth drop, right? Like for those that are listening and my mouth just dropped. and I thought, wow, my daughter was right there. And it's like, what's mom gonna say? And you know, I just said, you know what? I, I'm gonna make this choice tonight. I decided that this is okay, we can make choices in life. Like I made it very,

Justine Clark: 7:59

An adult

Cari Wolters: 8:00

as an adult we can make choices. And they understood. And there really wasn't any question about it, but I knew in that moment. And then my girlfriend told me we drank.

Justine Clark: 8:09

bottle

Cari Wolters: 8:09

couple bottles that night, which I hadn't done in months, maybe even like a year. and I said, I remember thinking, I'm never gonna do this again. And so I had a terrible hangover. I got my home kids home safely, had a terrible hangover. And, I said to myself, this is my day. This is when I'm, this is my alcohol freedom. This is my journey. I'm, it's gonna be my lifestyle, you know? so yeah. Yes. And the most surprising thing. Yeah, go ahead.

Barry Condon: 8:39

say that that's such

Cari Wolters: 8:40

I was gonna say that that's such a, a,

Barry Condon: 8:41

journey, that to,

Cari Wolters: 8:42

journey out that

Barry Condon: 8:43

sort of, you know, just through curiosity

Cari Wolters: 8:46

curiosity.

Barry Condon: 8:47

just

Cari Wolters: 8:47

Have have

Barry Condon: 8:48

yourself and

Cari Wolters: 8:49

it, the

Barry Condon: 8:49

and,

Cari Wolters: 8:50

breaks and not.

Barry Condon: 8:52

the way that we're, we're

Cari Wolters: 8:53

Done it the way that we we're

Barry Condon: 8:54

sort of programmed, or I,

Cari Wolters: 8:56

sort of programmed or

Barry Condon: 8:56

sort of

Cari Wolters: 8:57

the way that we sort of think we ought

Barry Condon: 8:58

you know, White knuckle

Cari Wolters: 9:01

to

Barry Condon: 9:01

and,

Cari Wolters: 9:02

knuckle it,

Barry Condon: 9:02

no. And then fail and then

Cari Wolters: 9:04

fail.

Barry Condon: 9:05

just be curious and, and try and, out, you know.

Cari Wolters: 9:09

work out, you know,

Barry Condon: 9:10

is that it's doing

Cari Wolters: 9:10

what it is that it's doing.

Barry Condon: 9:11

you're trying to get from it, and are you

Cari Wolters: 9:13

Get from it and

Barry Condon: 9:14

kind of stuff is, is, is, is much more productive and you, you start to sort of take away the, the, the illusion of, of of benefits that, that, are, that we, you know, give it credit for.

Cari Wolters: 9:24

credit.

Barry Condon: 9:25

would, how would you, what would you say to someone?'cause

Cari Wolters: 9:28

What would you say to someone, because it's quite a very scary moment when you

Barry Condon: 9:31

I need to do

Cari Wolters: 9:31

sort of something

Barry Condon: 9:33

and the traditional thing is, you know. Take a break and, bury your head in the sand

Cari Wolters: 9:39

head of the sand.

Barry Condon: 9:40

and hope for the best kind of thing. What would you say is a better

Cari Wolters: 9:42

What would you say is a better way to rephrase things?

Barry Condon: 9:45

if you are, you know, thinking to yourself, you know, I, I need to do something.

Justine Clark: 9:51

Yeah,

Cari Wolters: 9:52

Yeah.

Justine Clark: 9:52

would say.

Cari Wolters: 9:53

I would say start with pausing and getting curious.

Justine Clark: 9:58

So

Cari Wolters: 9:58

So

Justine Clark: 9:59

up the,

Cari Wolters: 10:00

of white knuckling it and saying, I'm gonna do this forever, or I'm gonna take a break for

Justine Clark: 10:05

days.

Cari Wolters: 10:05

50 days.'cause sometimes. Already. I think to myself, fear creeps into people's minds. Like you get a little fearful of that. So let's just start with curiosity. You know, we're talking about a tree and it has a base and it has a bunch of roots, right? And one of the roots and foundations in my life is curiosity. It's, it's a, it's a root. And in that curiosity, things are going to grow. And then what is gonna stick and grow and produce fruit and what's gonna die? Right. So why don't we just start there with curiosity and so just pause

Justine Clark: 10:39

that

Cari Wolters: 10:39

before you have that drink and say, how am I feeling? Why am I feeling, why? Why am I feeling this way? Okay. Is alcohol gonna feed this feeling? Like, is alcohol gonna feed it? Okay. And can I find another way to. Feel, is there another way to outside of alcohol that I can find stress relief? So for me it was anxiety, right? I would feel anxiety, get really curious. And so start, have, start with curiosity, friends, everybody that's listening, start there and have it lead you and pause and write it down in a journal. You know, write it in your phone or talk to yourself in a voice memo. That's what I tell my clients. Tell you know, talk to yourself. Pause and just get curious and figure out how am I feeling? How can I, will alcohol feed this feeling and can I find another way?

Justine Clark: 11:30

So

Cari Wolters: 11:31

And if not, okay, drink it. You don't have the glass.

Justine Clark: 11:34

there that you

Cari Wolters: 11:35

Yeah. Just thinking

Justine Clark: 11:36

your best friend earlier being toxic friend, making you feel to, and,

Cari Wolters: 11:41

cream,

Justine Clark: 11:41

that that, I mean, that is actually not you, that is

Cari Wolters: 11:44

that is actually not

Justine Clark: 11:45

is the

Cari Wolters: 11:46

that an outside source.

Justine Clark: 11:47

So I was gonna ask you what you'd

Cari Wolters: 11:49

That's right.

Justine Clark: 11:50

toxic friend with, and I can now see clearly that you've, you've now got this, curious friend. So you, you have a direct replacement. Instead of having toxicity, you have curiosity. I.

Cari Wolters: 12:02

That's beautiful, Justine. I love how you said that. Yeah. Great connection. So. Sure. Talk to that curious friend.

Justine Clark: 12:09

you know,

Cari Wolters: 12:10

you know, talk to her.

Justine Clark: 12:11

is

Cari Wolters: 12:12

What is, what is she saying back to you that she's gonna take away your pain? Is she gonna take away your anxiety? Yeah. She wants you to believe that. And is that true?

Justine Clark: 12:21

yeah.

Cari Wolters: 12:21

Is it is, is it gonna take away my anxiety if I have this drink? Is is it going to help me? Will it make me a better person and help me have more fun? Is it gonna make me a better mom? Wait a minute, that Curiosity girl, best friend over there is, it, is, is liquid. See how it, it just sort of takes you into a state of like, Curiosity that almost feel it is very an illusion that we've created and it's that cognitive dissonance. I know it's a big word for listeners, but we have two voices going on in our head. So for me, it's my voice and it's the curiosity voice.

Barry Condon: 12:59

And what, and were you able to use that curiosity in. the tough times. You know, I, I imagine there must have been moments where

Cari Wolters: 13:06

imagine must

Barry Condon: 13:06

and you had a drink and you weren't intending to, or, you know, did you have those sort of moments and you could you curiosity and, and,

Cari Wolters: 13:12

curiosity.

Barry Condon: 13:13

it lighter than, than, than, than maybe some people do and beat yourself up or, or, were you able to sort of

Justine Clark: 13:19

Analyze

Barry Condon: 13:19

analyze it more or.

Justine Clark: 13:22

Yeah.

Cari Wolters: 13:22

Or,

Justine Clark: 13:22

really

Cari Wolters: 13:23

I think what's really cool about curiosity is you can allow yourself whatever choice you would like,

Justine Clark: 13:29

I

Cari Wolters: 13:29

and so I'm gonna allow myself to have the drink because I do believe in this moment it's going to feed my anxiety and help me feel less stress.

Justine Clark: 13:40

see

Cari Wolters: 13:41

So let me just see what, what's that like? And what happened for me, Barry, was when I was able to do that, the next day, I would have raging anxiety. Like,

Justine Clark: 13:50

I just had

Cari Wolters: 13:51

okay, I just had two, three glasses of wine. The next day my curiosity friend is still there going, so how do you feel? Did it help you? Did it give you what it did? I did I give you what you wanted? You know, it's like you talk to, it's like, well, best friend. Curiosity, Carrie, over there, you did not give me what I wanted. I feel terrible.

Justine Clark: 14:11

I hung

Cari Wolters: 14:12

am hung over. I'm super anxious and I yelled at my kids today. That was my thing. I, my anxiety did not help me become a better mom. And there was a question you guys had asked in your notes about like, what was your biggest struggle and my biggest struggle, in my curiosity phase and before. I stepped into alcohol freedom was, I believed I was a bad mom

Justine Clark: 14:40

that I

Cari Wolters: 14:40

and that I wasn't a very good mom

Justine Clark: 14:43

I yelled at

Cari Wolters: 14:43

because I yelled at my kids, well, why was I yelling at my kids? I mean, I think it's pretty human of us. I still have my moments. Trust me, I raised my voice and you know, we are still parents and to this day. Right. I check myself, okay. When I do raise my voice, is this legit? Carrie, it's curiosity again. Is this legit? Do my kids need this? This right now? Oh, yep. Okay. It's all right. You know? Whereas before it was just off the handle. I'm right away. My anxiety is raging. I am more irritable and I'm gonna, you know. Raise my voice at them. And that just honestly just dug at my heart and it created this belief that I was a terrible mom. And so the curiosity and even that moment that I had shared where my son was like, mom, I didn't think you were doing that anymore. That that spoke to my struggle. He spoke to my struggle. It's my beautiful son looking in my face, right saying, saying this to me. And I'm thinking, I've been a really good mom for the past year and a half. I have been drinking less alcohol. My anxiety has decreased. Like, Carrie, isn't that the life that you want? Because alcohol doesn't need to be the front and center anymore. And so, I just decided, you know, in that moment I'm like, you know, I'm, I'm gonna believe that I am a good mom and I'm gonna start stepping into alcohol freedom. And that's, I. My freedom finder story was I found myself, I found out that I was a really good mom and I

Justine Clark: 16:10

a lot to offer.

Cari Wolters: 16:11

have a lot to offer the world and my self-esteem increased too. So there's so many benefits. Now,

Justine Clark: 16:16

Are you still gonna struggle?

Cari Wolters: 16:17

you still gonna struggle with being a mom? Yes.

Justine Clark: 16:20

are you still

Cari Wolters: 16:21

are you still gonna have bad days? Yes.

Justine Clark: 16:24

are

Cari Wolters: 16:24

are you going to, you know, have low self-esteem days, guys? Yeah. Because it's not the magic pill, honestly. And Justine, we talked about that. once you step into alcohol freedom, and it isn't a magic pill, but what is magic is you have tools and strategies that when you are feeling anxious, you can go in and say, okay, why am I feeling this way? What's happening right now? And so everything that led you into alcohol freedom, you now have the tools and strategies to even cope with your own life.

Justine Clark: 16:54

love that so much, and I think that's,

Cari Wolters: 16:56

Love it.

Justine Clark: 16:56

where the gold is for me in this work. It's not that we are kind of,

Cari Wolters: 17:00

we're

Justine Clark: 17:01

different to others. How come they have managed to stop drinking?

Cari Wolters: 17:04

how.

Justine Clark: 17:04

just way too hard for me. You know, people think that there's either the, the people that are, are going to dark basements and have to stop drinking. Or this crazy breed of people that are making a choice not to drink and, and how do they do that? And that's strange. And they goody goodies or are they boring? you know, all those sort of other labels that get used to describe us. And I am literally, I'm, I'm a

Cari Wolters: 17:29

Literally,

Justine Clark: 17:30

that has not changed. I still love to go dance. I still love all the stuff. I just get to make different choices. So tell us about some of the different choices. You've been making for yourself now that you are an alcohol freedom finder carry. Oh my goodness.

Cari Wolters: 17:45

oh my goodness. That's a good question.

Justine Clark: 17:49

I

Cari Wolters: 17:49

well, I, I am a super fun person. I thought that alcohol,

Justine Clark: 17:56

was making

Cari Wolters: 17:56

was what was making me fun.

Justine Clark: 17:58

I

Cari Wolters: 17:58

And now I realize, my authenticity is what's fun and so completely embracing who I am. And I, I love my faith, who God's created me to be. Like I'm fully her and present. And when tough times come up, I know exactly. How to lean into it and how to have these tools. But I, I love to go out for coffee. I love to go out with my friends. for dinner, I like to go to parties as well, super Bowl parties. my.

Justine Clark: 18:30

Bowling is a.

Cari Wolters: 18:31

foing is a thing here in the States. It's a new thing. I don't know if you have it by you guys, but it's called Foing. I went Foing with friends and I'd say, Hey, what are you guys drinking? And I get'em their alcohol like it works for me because I am not attached to it. It brings me, it. I'm fully detached from it. So I'm able to be in a room with alcohol and say, Hey, what are you guys drinking? What do you wanna do? Let's take a selfie together. I post on social media the other day with them. it was great. I'm doing all the things I would do with alcohol. I just get to choose to do it without and live in my authenticity. Yeah.

Barry Condon: 19:06

I love that. I love that. It, it's, it's such a, a great thing to realize, you know, when

Cari Wolters: 19:10

thing to realize.

Barry Condon: 19:11

good

Cari Wolters: 19:12

Out with good friends and having,

Barry Condon: 19:14

you realize, oh, I'm not drinking. They're all

Cari Wolters: 19:15

well, I'm not

Barry Condon: 19:16

thinking,

Cari Wolters: 19:16

drinking never

Barry Condon: 19:17

Need to have that drink to be able to have the good time. And I

Cari Wolters: 19:20

to have

Barry Condon: 19:21

it

Cari Wolters: 19:21

time and I don't need,

Barry Condon: 19:22

you know, and you know, I wish that, I wish they knew, I wish they

Cari Wolters: 19:25

I wish they knew, I wish they understood, you know, I don't wanna lecture them,

Barry Condon: 19:28

is

Cari Wolters: 19:28

but you know, it

Barry Condon: 19:29

you know, you know, if everybody knew

Cari Wolters: 19:31

knew

Barry Condon: 19:32

like, you

Cari Wolters: 19:32

what it was really like. You know,

Barry Condon: 19:34

at you

Cari Wolters: 19:34

they're looking at you.

Barry Condon: 19:35

she, she must be on something because she's not, she's having a great time and you know, she's not drinking. You know, and or, you know, and, and people sort of

Cari Wolters: 19:42

You know, and, and people sort of look at

Barry Condon: 19:43

for you and.

Cari Wolters: 19:44

Laurie for you. Actually,

Barry Condon: 19:45

well, you need to feel sorry for me. I'm, I'm

Cari Wolters: 19:48

sorry for me. I'm, I'm really well done with it. You know,

Barry Condon: 19:50

and, and,

Cari Wolters: 19:50

I'm,

Barry Condon: 19:51

surprising

Cari Wolters: 19:51

yeah, that was a really surprising thing for me. What, what, what, what

Barry Condon: 19:53

you since,

Cari Wolters: 19:54

surprised you sooner

Barry Condon: 19:55

than that, perhaps the,

Cari Wolters: 19:56

than that, perhaps?

Barry Condon: 19:57

found, freedom.

Justine Clark: 19:59

it's been

Cari Wolters: 20:00

it's been surprising how, accepted. I've been, it's been surprising that I, you know, I've been accepted in my communities and my friends. And then what's been surprising is

Justine Clark: 20:14

friends in

Cari Wolters: 20:14

are friends in my life that

Justine Clark: 20:17

I did,

Cari Wolters: 20:18

I did say goodbye to, and I think that's to be noted. when I was getting curious and I was sober curious, I went out with a group of friends and I wasn't having fun, alcohol free, it wasn't bringing me joy. And I'm like, I don't think these are my people. Has nothing to do with them. It's everything to do with me.

Justine Clark: 20:37

for the,

Cari Wolters: 20:37

I was here for the booze. I wasn't here for the friends.

Justine Clark: 20:40

it's been

Cari Wolters: 20:40

And so it's been surprising that how fluid that is and how freeing that is in my alcohol and freedom finder story. It's like I found myself and I also found my people. Yeah.

Justine Clark: 20:52

yeah, I, I I, I really, what you're saying there it's like, a lot of the reason that why friend alcohol was fear,

Cari Wolters: 21:01

Hole was

Justine Clark: 21:02

place. Fear of not fitting in, fear of not being enough, fear of

Cari Wolters: 21:07

enough,

Justine Clark: 21:07

What did it bring? It's kind of, we, we tagged along with it.

Cari Wolters: 21:11

kind of we, we tad along with it

Justine Clark: 21:13

you know, free and feeling really good about being free, it doesn't mean

Cari Wolters: 21:18

throughout there.

Justine Clark: 21:18

is full of

Cari Wolters: 21:19

Doesn't mean that life itself is

Justine Clark: 21:21

fear, fearful challenges. Like,

Cari Wolters: 21:24

challenges.

Justine Clark: 21:24

how am I gonna make a this

Cari Wolters: 21:25

how, how am I gonna make it

Justine Clark: 21:26

gonna work? How, how am I gonna make a

Cari Wolters: 21:28

go?

Justine Clark: 21:29

My

Cari Wolters: 21:29

am I.

Justine Clark: 21:30

with people that are, that are still drinking and, and going home early.'cause to go out, but I certainly like to go home early.

Cari Wolters: 21:37

What I certainly like

Justine Clark: 21:40

I guess what I'm saying is just because we are free doesn't mean life is some kind of walk

Cari Wolters: 21:46

doesn't mean

Justine Clark: 21:46

swinging our daisies.

Cari Wolters: 21:48

lot up

Justine Clark: 21:48

means that we are more capable and clear and intentional with our work. Would you say, what would you say

Cari Wolters: 21:55

when say

Justine Clark: 21:56

around. being free from

Cari Wolters: 21:59

being free. Fear still comes. It still exists, right? Like we have fear. That's what I heard you saying. So I was processing that. there's still fear, fear of can I run a successful business? Fear of, Can I,

Justine Clark: 22:14

A

Cari Wolters: 22:15

you know, reach a six figure income coaching, right? There's lots of fear. There's fear of my kids and what they're experiencing in this world. I mean, I think fear is all around us, honestly. Right? And it's really learning to recognize it and say to myself, what's, what's the thought behind this? Like, what am I afraid of? Right? And oh, I'm afraid that this won't. Be able to support my family, you know? Okay, where does that come from? And instead of like looking at fear and saying, I can't deal with you right now, come here, alcohol,

Justine Clark: 22:52

Come here.

Cari Wolters: 22:53

come here. It's like, okay, fear, bring it on.

Justine Clark: 22:56

here.

Cari Wolters: 22:56

It's here.

Justine Clark: 22:57

allow

Cari Wolters: 22:57

I'm gonna allow this to come. This is a hard moment. I'm gonna sit with it and I'm gonna get curious with this fear and think, okay, now I'm feeling this way. What's something to help me feel a little less po, a little less fear? I. It's like a, how we talk about in code, we're turning around our thoughts. so it's a process of almost like recognizing the fear and knowing that I'm still safe, I'm still okay, nothing else has changed. Everything is still here. And being able to see also the positive within the fear, well, you're having this for a reason because you love. What you get to do, which is coaching. You want to help change other people's lives. You want to, have your children be these successful, beautiful citizens, in this world, and you want them to have good character. So there's fear here for a reason. And so what do I need to do? I need to loosen up my control. You know? And whereas before alcohol would just, I would, I would feel fear and I would numb it. I'd be like, oh, I do not like how that feels. So I am just gonna, I'm gonna drink this away and that deal with it. And we build those patterns in our life. And the coolest thing about our alcohol Freedom Finder story is now that we found freedom, we now found the freedom to think. We now have the freedom to think. We have the freedom to feel. We have the freedom to reframe. We have the freedom to move forward and and be okay and still say, I'm safe and I'm okay, even though I'm feeling uncomfortable.

Barry Condon: 24:26

That's really good. I mean, for me it was, it was similarly. It, it, it felt, once I away from it and, and, and got some space and realized, I realized, you know, the, the time and, and the opportunity that was I was getting back kind of thing. It

Cari Wolters: 24:39

Back thing

Barry Condon: 24:40

was robbing me of that chance to deal with the things that were coming up and, you know, you immediately reach for the drink

Cari Wolters: 24:45

you immediately reached,

Barry Condon: 24:46

them away rather than. Okay. I am anxious and I have had

Cari Wolters: 24:49

I'm anxious.

Barry Condon: 24:50

You know, why was that?

Cari Wolters: 24:51

So why was.

Barry Condon: 24:52

different about it? Or do I drink something?

Cari Wolters: 24:55

Something,

Barry Condon: 24:56

about it for, for,

Cari Wolters: 24:57

forget about it

Barry Condon: 24:57

or two and

Cari Wolters: 24:58

for, for an hour or two.

Barry Condon: 24:59

with even higher levels of,

Cari Wolters: 25:00

Higher levels of,

Barry Condon: 25:02

And, and, yeah. No, that's, that's, yeah. That's really, really powerful. we have a

Cari Wolters: 25:07

uh, we.

Barry Condon: 25:07

we ask, as the last question, you know, what are the three words

Cari Wolters: 25:10

What are the three words that you would find?

Barry Condon: 25:13

finding of alcohol freedom? You know, do you have three words for us?

Justine Clark: 25:17

one

Cari Wolters: 25:18

I have one word.

Barry Condon: 25:20

Okay.

Justine Clark: 25:20

and

Cari Wolters: 25:21

and that's, authenticity. Just living, I guess three words, living in authenticity. So for me, it's just been able to live in my authentic self, whether myself is afraid.

Justine Clark: 25:35

has

Cari Wolters: 25:35

myself has fear, whether myself has joy, whether myself,

Justine Clark: 25:40

empowered.

Cari Wolters: 25:40

feels empowered, that I'm gonna show up authentically and lead myself in that. And that's been the greatest blessing in my life. I would say.

Justine Clark: 25:50

love that so much. And, and I'm

Cari Wolters: 25:52

Love it so much.

Justine Clark: 25:53

people are

Cari Wolters: 25:54

I'm

Justine Clark: 25:54

you as a coach.

Cari Wolters: 25:56

you as a coach,

Justine Clark: 25:57

be

Cari Wolters: 25:57

you.

Justine Clark: 25:57

them find their

Cari Wolters: 25:59

Looking to help them

Justine Clark: 25:59

alcohol

Cari Wolters: 26:00

their own, alcohol. Food. yeah, so people can find me on social media platforms, of course, which is, on Instagram. Sober Curious Life on Facebook is my name, Kerry Walters, and also my website, sober Curious life coaching.com. you can

Justine Clark: 26:18

A call there

Cari Wolters: 26:19

book a call there and just we can have a chat.

Justine Clark: 26:21

where again, so obviously we are all over the world. As you said at the beginning, Barry in Amsterdam, I'm in New Zealand and you are

Cari Wolters: 26:31

in Michigan?

Justine Clark: 26:32

so

Cari Wolters: 26:33

I'm in East yeah, Eastern time.

Justine Clark: 26:36

Do you

Barry Condon: 26:36

is there a certain type of person that you would resonate most with or, just open to

Cari Wolters: 26:42

Yes. So I, yeah, I love to work with high achieving women that are in a professional setting. They're, in corporate world, or their business owners and entrepreneurs, and they have control over their entire life except for. When it comes to alcohol, they're not able to control alcohol for some reason, and they find themselves unwinding with wine every single night, and they're tired and they want a different way. And so I work with women like that.

Justine Clark: 27:10

gonna be short of women like that

Cari Wolters: 27:11

Well, you're not gonna.

Justine Clark: 27:12

I know a lot of them myself, Kerry, thank you. I just wanna thank you so much for being with us today. I,

Cari Wolters: 27:18

Much

Justine Clark: 27:18

I always

Cari Wolters: 27:19

being with

Justine Clark: 27:20

time with

Cari Wolters: 27:20

us.

Justine Clark: 27:21

and, you know, you speak, you speak to, to my heart and vulnerability and authenticity. that's what gets me high, you know, it really does. It makes me feel so good.

Cari Wolters: 27:32

It makes me feel good. Same, same. I'm gonna be, we're gonna have a great evening tonight, aren't we? Right? We'll go high on our authenticity together.

Justine Clark: 27:42

Yeah.

Cari Wolters: 27:42

Yeah.

Barry Condon: 27:43

Thanks so much,

Cari Wolters: 27:44

Thanks so much.

Barry Condon: 27:44

you're looking great.

Cari Wolters: 27:45

and you're looking great. I

Barry Condon: 27:46

before

Cari Wolters: 27:47

seeing some of those four and a half photos

Barry Condon: 27:48

about

Cari Wolters: 27:49

when

Barry Condon: 27:49

younger than you

Cari Wolters: 27:50

you look about 20 years younger than you did in some of those photos.

Barry Condon: 27:52

of very short hair and

Cari Wolters: 27:53

Very short hair.

Barry Condon: 27:54

you know, a much older

Cari Wolters: 27:55

You know how much

Barry Condon: 27:55

know, you're looking fantastic. It's, it's really suiting

Cari Wolters: 27:58

Oh,

Justine Clark: 27:58

thank you Barry.

Cari Wolters: 27:59

oh. Thank you Barry. Justine, thank you for that. I really appreciate that. it's, it's time, it's time for people to find their freedom finder story, you know.

Barry Condon: 28:08

Brilliant.