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This is Alcohol Freedom Finders. In this episode, we talk to our friend Michelle, whose entire social life revolved around alcohol, which I think most of us can relate to. So, when she decided to make a change, she didn't know how to tell her friends, or even her close family. She was wracked with shame, and petrified of what people might think. Severe judgment of ourselves and underestimating the kindness and forgiveness and love of those around us seems to be hardwired into most of us. But Michelle's story will inspire you to lean into that discomfort and find genuine freedom on the other side. Let's get going.

Justine Clark 0:38

Hello everybody and welcome to our Alcohol Freedom Finders podcast. Today we are super excited because we have Michelle Nesbitt with us, who is a fellow of this Naked Mind, Alcohol Freedom from Alcohol coach, but she also specializes in helping women through middle age, going through crisis and change and transition. So welcome, Michelle. Really great to have you here. I

Barry Condon 1:04

Great. Great to see you, Michelle. we're really looking forward to this. we, we've known each other for, you know, 18 months now and, and, I know quite a, quite a bit about your story, but, but, take us back to, to when you decided, alcohol was a thing that you needed to do something about and, and, and how did you find your alcohol freedom?

Michelle Nesbitt 1:22

Thanks, Barry. truly, I remember the day, that I started and it was November 20th. 2021. I was leaving on vacation and I had woke up that day and went, I, I just can't do this anymore. And that was probably the 100th time I had woken up. And said the same thing to myself. What are you doing? Yeah, this is your, this is not you. You are wasting your life. What are you doing to yourself? And I just decided to get a hold of it and give it up, turn it around. So I did reach out to, Annie Grace's program. I joined the path. I looked at the alcohol experiment and it was 30 days and I was so committed to making, getting my life back. That I said, no, I want the year, so I went with the path, and that was the best thing I did.

Justine Clark 2:15

I really resonate with that. I particularly love the fact that you've alluded to for the hundredth time. Because I think so many of us have gone to bed, woken up in the morning going, Today is the day where I am definitely not going to have a drink. It's a Monday, or it's a, you know, I'm only drinking three days this week. Or I'm only drinking on, uh, so, you know, I really hear you on that one. So, What was the struggle that made you realize that this was it, this was the moment? Was there anything that you just thought, no, no, no, I can't live with this anymore? Or what was that moment for you?

Michelle Nesbitt 2:47

think I was seeing, myself in a different light. I knew who I was, I, did not want to see myself do this anymore. Because it wasn't who I was. I was a super active person. I had been in business for 35 years. I had great friends, great family, and nobody knew I was doing this. I was doing it in the evening. Once I my life and I was doing it in the evening and I thought this is not who I am. I just didn't want to see myself that way anymore. So I said, that's it for the hundredth time. But this time I did something about it in the sense of I knew that I was trying so hard to give it up every day and it wasn't working. Some days were better than others. And then, I had a friend who is a therapist and she said, Oh, why don't you check out this anti grace alcohol experiment? that's what I did. And I kept reading and then I saw the year long path and I went, that's what I want because I want this change. Forever. I do not want to stop for 30 days. I am. I am committed to getting my life back and being healthy again.

Barry Condon 3:56

And so what would you say were the things about the, The program that, that, that spoke to you the most, you know, what, what, what was it about, the approach that, that this naked mind takes, that you found most, rewarding?

Michelle Nesbitt 4:08

such a great question. And I have said this to so many people. It was the compassion, no blame, the no judgment. It was a safe space for me to explore and discover and grow and dig deep. And nobody was telling me. That, oh, you shouldn't have done that or that's terrible. And we were all sharing stories, but it was, there was so much support and care and compassion. And when I listened to other people telling their stories too, we all got vulnerable and, you know, talked about some things that we weren't proud of. And there was not one person that did anything except give compassion. and support and no judgment. So that to me, which I learned later, that's how people grow. You can't grow in blame or shame. You can't feel good about yourself and blame or shame. So compassion and support and no judgment is how the whole program is led. And that's how I lead my life now. So that just kept going in my life. When

Justine Clark 5:20

That sort of tribe of compassion. You know, you feel like you're surrounded by people who, Not only understand your journey, but completely support in a non judgemental way. I think that's really unique with and quite unique for what we go through when we stop alcohol because one of the things that happens to us is that we feel that we're alone and that nobody else is doing it like this or that nobody else is Waking up with that kind of cognitive dissonance, knowing that they really don't want to go and have a a, a drink today. Today's the day that they do the gym. They eat the healthy food. they plan a date night, you know, do all the stuff, and then come six o'clock, not even six o'clock, maybe five o'clock, they just go and reach for their, their, their favorite drink because something's gotten in the way, you know, the, the washing's fallen off the line or it started raining on it, or, you know, any reason. it's, it's, it's that feeling so alone and, and so stupid in that, that, that is supported by this work. And what then, bearing that in mind, what then made you feel that you wanted to extend your, your journey, to become a coach?

Michelle Nesbitt 6:35

I was finished the path, I really did connect with a lot of people, in my cohort and I really did love talking with people and I felt, naturally compelled to uplift and support surround people. with what they needed. I could see them flourishing in that too. And which what I had just come through, people did that for me. And I've always loved, coaching, mentoring. It's kind of been a little bit of who I've been my whole life. I just decided, one of the coaches reached out to me, the senior coaches and asked if I would Be interested in coaching. And I was like, yes. So I, and that two parts, leaving alcohol behind definitely opened up my life again, going through the coaching program, which is so intense and, and long that changed my life that to me, we did so much personal work. So we can do that personal work with others. changed my life and I reinvented myself and I found myself again. you know what happens over the years of career and family and you get busy. You lose a little bit of yourself along the way and that's pretty common. And I had really lost myself. And I got a chance to find myself again. So it's, that's been the greatest, one of the greatest joys.

Barry Condon 8:18

That's brilliant. I was just thinking back to, to what you said earlier about how, you did a lot of your drinking in, Private and, and, and at the end of the day, you know, when you had your day, how, what was it a surprise for the people around you when, when you came out and sort of said, you know, I've got a problem, I'm not drinking anymore. How did people around you deal with that? Or how did you deal with, with, with telling people?

Michelle Nesbitt 8:40

beginning, I just said I was doing a 30 day, alcohol free challenge with a friend. And that's barely all I could get out, in telling people. I was so ashamed. I was so embarrassed. I didn't want to be one of those people, and I was so afraid of what people thought. And so it was, as I said to you before, it was a drip. It was a slow drip, you know, the tribe and in our community, online with the coaching, we all knew. We all knew our backstories. We know we knew everything and we were very safe. So out in the community. My life, as I said, I often said I was leading two lives and it was very stressful and so I slowly started to tell a few people that I felt very safe around and that was important to me. And then I started to tell a little bit more and then I held off for a long time. I was petrified to tell, my kids, my two sons, I did tell my oldest son And he said to me, mom, that's so brave. that blew me away. I didn't expect that. And he said, I'm proud of you. And I'm like, Whoa, really good. So, and then, my youngest son, it took me quite a lot longer to tell him he's still, he was still in that young stage going out and drinking and, and, And, I didn't want him to view me because I was still in a bit of a parental role with my younger son and I didn't want him to view me, um, poor light. So when I did finally, I sat him down in my office and I talked to him, I said, I just want you to know why quit drinking. So I told him a little bit of the backstory with, you know, not coping and everything with some things. And then, I told him it just. It just kind of such a habit that I, I was doing too much of it and it was really interrupted my life. And I had a really hard time stopping and went, that's not like me. So I had to take my life back again. he said, I understand mom. He said, that's okay. for me, that was another relief and a release. So once those two most important people in my life. I had told, then I started to become more comfortable and confident, and then I would choose some more people, some friends, some very close friends I talked to on the side, none of them batted an eye. They said, okay, all right. And I, I had not been drinking for over a year at this point, so they were used to me not drinking. They just, they used to laugh that I, that I didn't drink. You know, Michelle and her soda. So now I don't go out there and tell the world that I drank too much. But I also don't hide it. So if someone says to me, Hey, you don't drink. Why don't you drink? I said, you know what? I was drinking too much. I'd had enough. I was all done with it. And my life is so much better now. And that's how I feel. And I, I don't, I don't think twice about it. I hardly even think about drinking anymore. it doesn't even cross my mind. it's just, it's who I am without alcohol, so it's comfortable.

Justine Clark 12:03

Yeah, I, Yeah, love that. It's like you made one decision, one choice to tell one person, and then you sort of extended that and extended that. And almost by the process of extending it, it moved further away and became smaller, you know, like that thing and diminishing into the distance that is just not such a big deal anymore. And even though it is a big deal to have drunk heavily for so long, and to have felt so much shame, that's a big feeling that we can call up in a heartbeat. It becomes not a big deal to, to share the story because we're, we've moved past that and we're secure, secure with our community and, and our, and our positive choices going forward.

12:49

If you're looking to take back control of your drinking, why don't you join our Alcohol Freedom Finders 30 day group program. It's a great place to start. Because we approach it as an experiment, rather than a challenge. Whereas, as well as getting a great detox, you learn the science and the psychology about why you're drunk in the first place. So whether you want to stop altogether, or just become a more mindful and moderate drinker, why don't you give it a crack? Use the link in the show notes to sign up to our next 30 day program, and you won't regret it. Because no one ever woke up in the morning and said, I wish I'd had more to drink last night, did they? Back to the episode.

Justine Clark 13:30

So what would you say to, to somebody may be still, you know, wanting 30 day or, not sure whether they need a coach, not, not sure what the right step forward is? but they know that they are struggling. They know that they're not happy with where they are right now. What would you say to them? they're living deep in a shame.

Michelle Nesbitt 13:52

first thing I'd say is you're not alone. You may think that you are the only one going through this, but you're not. There are millions of people that overdrink. There are millions of people that wake up every day and say, I'm not going to drink today. And they drink today. And you have nothing to lose by trying. And the, this is another thing that I remember hearing and it is so true. There is very few, very few, if any, straight lines to not drinking. drinking to not drinking. There are some people that have given it up and never touched it again. And from start to finish, but that can, I only know one person in all the people that I know. There are many squiggly lines. You don't drink, and then you have some, and then you beat yourself up. It's okay. Just start again. Start again. I would tell them for sure, you're not alone, and you have nothing to lose, and life on the other side is so good. It's so much better.

Barry Condon 15:00

That's brilliant. Yeah, I mean, and you're right. It's just nothing to lose. And, and, and I think one of the other things that, that is often said in, in our circles, yeah, it's not your fault. It's, it's just an addictive substance that, you know, that society pushes all over, you know, all over us and, and, and is good for us. thrown out as the, as a solution to, you know, all your troubles, all your joys, all your situations. and you know, and, and the more you do it, you know, and, and the more, the more you rely on, on it, the more you expect it, the more, yeah, it just keeps feeding itself. And it's the substance. It really is the substance. I think when we, we, you know, when, when you sort of see that, Oh gosh, yeah, it's not, it's not me. I'm not broken. I'm not broken. You know, I'm just doing what, what's, you know, What's written on the tin, you know, it's alcohol, it's addictive. yeah, that's, that's, that's pretty good. so looking back, what would, what would be one thing that you wish you'd known, then that you now know about how life is, as someone who's free of alcohol?

Michelle Nesbitt 16:04

Oh, the first thing that popped into my mind when you said that is that life isn't about alcohol. And the media society, the norm there, says it is. And being alcohol free, I notice. So much alcohol is involved in our daily life, and I do remember that. We would go out, it was around where we were eating, what was the wine good, where we were going after, everything revolved around alcohol. that was normal. And it still is common, very normal in society. And I think there's a big push against that and saying it's not normal. It doesn't have to be normal. So for me, I see that, alcohol is out of my life. And yes, in many circumstances, I'm out and people are drinking and doing whatever. And I'm aware of it. I see it. And I just am so free of that, so I'm, I'm really happy about that, but that was, that was something that if I had have known back then that alcohol didn't have to be in your life every day, you couldn't have told me that back then because I'm like, Ooh, I didn't want it to be in my life, but how did you get there? And it can be done. as I said before, I don't even think about it now.

Justine Clark 17:32

I love what you've said there. I mean, what I sort of feel, along those lines is that I was in this massive relationship that, This controlling relationship, abusive relationship with somebody that, something that I had no control over. You know, I was in a relationship with alcohol. I wasn't in control of my own life. And I think that's the most surprising thing for me, is that being free of alcohol, all of a sudden, I'm free to choose. At the weekend, I chose to go to a Pearl Jam concert. all By myself. I didn't sell my ticket. dad was going to be sitting up in the bleachers and my brother was with his friends and I had this ticket. I was like, well, I would have had to go, well, I can't do that without, well, at least I'm going to have to drink or do something. but I was I can get my car and drive there. I can go a bit later. I can leave a bit earlier. I can rig on my way to the front. I sat there, I was literally, you know, 10 meters from the front of the stage. Okay, it was 20. I'm exaggerating for, you know, for effect. 20 meters away with my green tea, watching this concert. I have choice. So, you know, that's what's changed. What's been the most surprising thing for you?

Michelle Nesbitt 18:46

What has changed for me? The most surprising thing is that I still have a load of fun, like crazy fun. I thought that that would be gone and in the beginning, I will be honest, it was because I didn't know how to act. I didn't know, I didn't have that crutch with me. I've always been kind of silly and outgoing and, and honestly didn't think that I would going to have as much fun. there was a period of time that I didn't. And then I remember we had a whole group of golf friends, golf girls, get together out in the country and we had a bonfire and we had music going and we were dancing around the dirt and everything. We had so much fun. And one of the girls leaned over to my friend. told me this later. I didn't hear it. She leaned over to my friend and she said, Oh, Michelle's had a lot to drink. Like, is she driving? And she said, Michelle doesn't drink at all. And he thought, because I was dancing and having so much fun. And when I heard that later, I went, Oh, my God. That's hilarious. That's exactly how I want to be. I just want to be myself still be fun and crazy. And I don't, I don't do things that I don't regret or that I regret. I don't, I go to bed when I want. If I'm tired, I go to bed. I get up early and I just, I have so much fun with my grandkids. I have fun traveling. Everything is times ten. see everything. I just came back from an eastern road trip in Canada. And everything was magnificent. And I saw everything. And I took it in. It was breathtaking. The entire trip. I saw everything. I didn't miss a thing. So, everything is magnified. To the better,

Barry Condon 20:38

That's brilliant. Yeah. And I resonate with that. It's, it's, it's, you know, fun is genuine fun. And, and, and yeah. And if it's not fun, yeah. You don't have, you know, you're not pretending, you're not just sort of, drinking to make it better or, or, but yeah, that's, that's, that's also so true. So, there's a final question that we ask everybody, to sort of try and find the three words that best sum up their journey to finding alcohol freedom. Do you have three words for us? Hehehehehehe

Michelle Nesbitt 21:08

relief, joy, and peace. Sorry. That's for, but I'm a rule breaker freedom for

Justine Clark 21:15

it.

Michelle Nesbitt 21:16

I've never felt this free before. joy. I, I have so much joy in my life. It's. I get giddy about it. Like, I, I actually get giddy and go like, this is, this is just great. Life is fantastic. relief. It's like, I don't have to think about that anymore. That big thing that was looming over me that kind of had this, had me in this cloud and it wasn't me. And I have a relief. I don't, I don't have to think about that anymore. It's gone. It's absolutely gone. And the peace I have. I'm so blessed. I have so much peace in my life. And that is, it's as a result of not drinking, taking alcohol out of my life. And I did that in, in order for me to do the work I wanted to do on myself personally, and to find out, down deeper. We all drink for reasons. We, we all over drink for reasons. And I wanted to know what was lying beneath the surface. What was happening? Why was I turning to this? And I did a lot of work for a solid year. I've been working on myself for years, but the last year, the work that I've done, the personal journey that I've taken, digging deep, painful, joyful, I would never would have been able to do if I was drinking and I couldn't be honest with myself. And if there's anything I want to say to people is be honest. that is the beginning. To get you to be honest with yourself, with what's happening in your life, what you're doing, be honest. Don't tell yourself stories. You can tell the stories, but you know, they're not true. So be honest and then fast forward through all the work I can say right now. The honesty that I have life, I write it daily. I live with honesty. I don't lie. And I don't twist things. I don't try and cover up things. If I have said or done something and it's wrong, I'm honest about it and I try and fix it and correct it. but if you're honest all the time with yourself, there's no better feeling. You don't have, you don't have to hide. There's nothing to hide from.

Justine Clark 23:46

For sure. For sure. Thanks so much, Michelle. And if, if somebody, one of our audience resonates with what you're saying and they need help, finding their why and finding a way to be honest with themselves and they would like to work with you, how best can they find

Michelle Nesbitt 24:03

I

Justine Clark 24:03

you?

Michelle Nesbitt 24:04

a website and, it is www level up coaching.ca so they can that out and,

Barry Condon 24:13

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll put that in the show notes and what, what kind of services are you, are you doing? I think you're doing some sort of group, together with Martha. Is that right?

Michelle Nesbitt 24:22

Redpath out of Vermont. and I'm from Ontario, Canada, we're doing a women's burnout to brilliance workshop and we do it for six weeks on Monday nights and we have one in process right now. And then we're going to do another one in February and it's been absolutely fantastic. Yeah, it's been wonderful.

Barry Condon 24:41

Oh, that's great. Now. Thanks very much, Michelle. It's been really, really great talking to you.

Michelle Nesbitt 24:45

Thanks very, thanks Justine. It's wonderful to see you guys again.