Barry Condon 0:00

This is Alcohol Freedom Finders. In this episode, Margie tells us about the emotional moment she went from feeling alone and too old to change to finding a coach who gave her the belief that she actually could change. She felt firsthand the power of having a coach to guide you who's been in your shoes. Face what you're facing and found their own way to freedom. She now helps others find their way with our own successful coaching business. Let's get started. welcome to Alcohol Freedom Finders with me, Barry Condon and my friend and colleague, Justine Clark. We're joined by Margie Colthorpe, from Arkansas in the U. S. Margie is a, lifestyle and wellness coach and also a TNMI, trained, coach like Justine and myself. runs group programs like us. And so we're really excited to, have time to sit down and talk with Margie and hear a bit more about her story and the people that she

Justine Clark 0:52

Thanks. Welcome, Margie.

Margie Colthorp 0:55

Thank you. It's

Justine Clark 0:56

really nice to have you. I've followed your journey, over the last year and love being on calls with you. So we're really excited to have you on our podcast with us. And I really want to hear more about, your journey, what led you to this naked mind and becoming alcohol free and ultimately a coach?

Margie Colthorp 1:14

I won't go all the way back, but, basically, it was during COVID and a lot of us ourselves drinking more than we should, but I was very much in denial about, Whether or not alcohol was playing any part in my physical health declining, and it was declining pretty rapidly. I found myself my blood pressure getting very, very high, and I kept saying, no, no, no, it's, it's, you know, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. I was very, felt very healthy. So, but one day, my daughter, who's a nurse, insisted I take my blood pressure, and it was declining. Something very scary to her. Hi. And she said, Mom, you have to go to the emergency room. And I said, it's COVID. and it's four o'clock in the afternoon. I mean, happy hour. Come on. And, she insisted. So I, I did. I went to the emergency room and, and told me that I was very near having a stroke. which got my attention and, they put me on medication and I did a lot of follow ups and I sat, I had a lot of time to think, I did not stop drinking at that point, but I had a lot of time to think about what is happening here and, you know, the, the thinking led to, well, maybe, Maybe it's the alcohol. And about that time, I was seeing a lot of ads pop up from Annie Grace. Who is this Annie Grace? What is this alcohol experiment? I don't know what this is, but at the same time, it was sort of like the cognitive dissonance that we talk about, you know, learning, part of me said, yeah, you probably need to look at that. And part of me was like, no, I'm fine. have medicine now. So, Annie won. Her, her ads actually won. And I signed up for the alcohol experiment in January of 2022.

Barry Condon 3:14

know, they almost scary that the algorithm, you know, begins to, to know before us, you know what we need. But yeah, that, that kind of thing, subconsciously you, you've started clicking in various places and been interested and been worried about things. And then, you know, it starts out as a sort of can start out as a sort of, you know, just want to be healthier. And, and, but yeah, no, it really interesting. And I can resonate with the, the, the blood pressure. I, yeah. Yeah, I was on blood pressure pills for a long time and, not anymore. you know, having stopped, they became unnecessary after a while, which is, which is great. so we'll tell us some more. What was, what was the next step then for you?

Margie Colthorp 3:55

well, you know, part of the do I, don't I was, you know, I was 64 years old at the time and I thought, Oh, that's too late. You know, there's no way. Nothing is, you know, I've tried dry Januaries. I've tried all of the different ways I read the books and the whole bear and I thought it was really a Hail Mary pass if you want to be honest, if I'm being honest and, the, the, I signed up on a whim. I said, I don't know who this anti grace person is, but I'm going to just give it a shot. The price point was for me to say, if I. If it's, if it's a fail, it's a fail and I'm, you know, I'm willing to take that. So I did sign up and the very first day a coach me in the eye when I said, I, I can't do this. I'm positive. I can't do this. I'm too old. And it was a coach Simon, I think it was. And he looked at me with these piercing blue eyes and he looked right into the camera at me. And he, he told me how much. I was, how much my value and how much my worth was, was intact. I had everything I needed and the, I just melted and cried and no one had ever talked to me that way before. And that's what I, that was the turning point for me. I needed to hear I'm okay and that I'm not broken and that there was hope for me was exactly what I needed to hear. So. I was all in at that point. I, all of the, you know, all of the, do I, don't I do this

Justine Clark 5:39

love that Margie. I, I, what I, what, what I'd like to say there is first of all, the fact that, on a whim you signed up, but actually there's a part of our subconscious mind that's been screaming out for a long time and screaming out for help. And. Like Barry was saying earlier, we are sort of tentatively exploring, Am I drinking too much? How much is too much? What if I do 12 drinks a week? What if I just do three days a week? What if I moderate? All of those questions. So, first of all, is it really a whim, when we sign up? Because I, I, I would say that I resonate with that as well, going, Oh yeah, it was just a whim. signing up with Annie, but really it wasn't. I'd been, I'd been worrying for a long time that, you know, knowing I wasn't an alcoholic, but also knowing that something wasn't quite right. and, and, and then the second part is, how you speak about the coaching in the program and how, how unique and special this type of coaching is. Can you, can you speak more about that?

Margie Colthorp 6:40

Oh, my gosh. Yes. all of the coaches that I experienced were Amazing and all unique in their approach, in their coaching, style. And it was, it was as though I was being welcomed home

Justine Clark 7:00

I

Margie Colthorp 7:00

I was virtual. I mean, these, it was completely virtual. It was a 30 day program and there were, it was the largest class that they'd ever had. I think there were 2000 people or something like that. It was just huge but I never felt alone and I never felt one of many. I felt like I was right there with the coach. That's how they made me feel, very safe, very welcomed, very, and they were very knowledgeable. I was, yeah. The science. The science and the compassion were the two things that just said, got you. That's

Barry Condon 7:39

Yeah, that's, yeah, that's, that's lovely. And that, yeah, I, yeah, that, that, for me, the same. It's, the science is one thing and you, and you, the science, you kind of, you know, given, certainly in our, our, we use the, the, the, the program from, from Annie for our 30 day, coaching and, and you get a video every day and that gives you the information that gives you the science that gives you the, the understanding, that makes the sort of, the ideas that that actually, yeah, it isn't your fault. It is just an addictive substance that, you know, we'll get, you know, pretty much anybody, given the right circumstances. and, to, to hear that back from a coach, it's, it's, it's sort of goes against the way that we're, as a society sort of led to believe, you know, it's supposed to be something you control. It's supposed to be something. That you do responsibly. It's supposed to be something that, you know, everybody else seems to be able to do without it becoming an issue. And so you internalize it. So, negatively, it's lovely to hear, yeah, you know, it isn't, it's not my fault. It's just, you know, that's what it says on the bottle. You know, it's, it's, it's, it's alcohol, it's addictive. and for me, I think that the, the, the amazing thing with coaching is also that, you know, It allows people to find their own out, and, and their own Struggles, you know, can be solved, with a coach who just asked questions and just, just is there to guide them a little bit, but mostly just to ask the question and, and help them find their own answers, their own way out. And, and that's so empowering. And, and I think that with, traditional methods, there's no empowerment at all. It, it feels like, you know, you've got to say, Oh, I'm, I'm the problem and, and someone else is going to fix it for me if I follow these rules rather than, know, and, and that works for a lot of people, which is great. But, but for me, it was never the, the, never felt like the, a solution. And so to find a way with coaching that you can be supported, science on the side, and. your own way back and get your own strength and get your own freedom is so empowering.

9:48

If you're looking to take back control of your drinking, why don't you join our Alcohol Freedom Finders 30 day group program. It's a great place to start. Because we approach it as an experiment, rather than a challenge. Whereas, as well as getting a great detox, you learn the science and the psychology about why you're drunk in the first place. So whether you want to stop altogether, or just become a more mindful and moderate drinker, why don't you give it a crack? Use the link in the show notes to sign up to our next 30 day program, and you won't regret it. Because no one ever woke up in the morning and said, I wish I'd had more to drink last night, did they? Back to the episode.

Barry Condon 10:30

are you able to talk a bit about, the, the kind of people that you help now?

Margie Colthorp 10:35

Bye bye. I have had a range. at first I thought only women of my age range would be interested in having me as a coach, but have coached women from thirties to and, I've coached men and it's, you know, it's, it's. There is, it's a common denominator. I like to say it's a club we never asked to join. And once they, the client feels accepted, it really doesn't matter. Their demographic. It is all about, do they feel safe? Do they feel connected? And do they feel like they belong? And that is my, my first goal is to make sure that I have a connection with them. That they feel safe with me and that they know that they that they're in the right place and that we are going to work together. and you're right, Barry, the, you know, it's, it's. It's 10 percent alcohol and 90 percent emotional work. and people often say. Well, doesn't that, isn't that what a therapist does? And I said, well, yeah, therapists will help you go back. And I'm all for a client having a therapist and a coach because therapy is all about going back and looking at what happened, you know, what happened. And coaching is all about saying, all right, here you are now, let's look at the future. And when you have that, that triad. Together of client therapists, you have that, that it's very effective, but it's equally effective to unearth all of that. We need to know where they are today. we need to, we, we pretty much know where they want to go, but they have to tell us what the goal is. then we set a

Justine Clark 12:27

mean, that's, that is the most powerful thing, what you mentioned right there, Margie. It's about being in the very, very present moment and taking a moment to drop into, What am I feeling? What am I noticing? What is it about the substance that is compelling? Is it the color? Is it the taste? Is it the, the temperature? Is it the situation? Is it myself? Like, starting to explore the reasons why, What do you typically notice, in your clients that start the journey with you in terms of, turnarounds and, how long it takes them to, to make some big shifts in your work?

Margie Colthorp 13:07

yeah, that's a great question. So clients that come to me, I have started asking them on their their readiness. I would never turn a client away who said, I don't know if I'm ready to stop or not. I would still take them on, but I need to have that awareness of their readiness. And if a client comes to me and says, I've been trying for 10 years to stop and I've had it, I am ready. Those clients tend to have their learning curve, success curve is much flatter. If someone comes to me and says, I don't know, I really kind of like I was, I really don't want to quit drinking, but I think I really need to, then their learning curve and their success curve is going to be much steeper. Every client is different. So my coaching not one way for each one. It's we work. And I am very honest and say, you know, if where you are, that's fine. We will work with what we got. And I will also be very transparent and say, in this amount of time, here's what I believe you can expect. had clients who have, are totally alcohol free, found their freedom, loving life, changed. Their perspective, their beliefs, I have had clients who have said, okay, I think I'm good, left, come back, and said, okay, let's try this again, and then I've had clients who left, and I always keep in touch with them, and they're still drinking, and it's pretty much comes back to that very first conversation of, are you ready?

Barry Condon 14:53

Yeah, that's good. That's good. I think, I think, yeah, we have, we have lots of sort of tactics for people to, to ask the right questions to, to work out, you know, on which level are they ready and, you know, and that, that can be really powerful for people. And I think. The for me, I think with coaching and the way that we're able to sort of questions that when you look back, know, might think, well, that was an obvious question, but but often we're in it ourselves, we're sort of thinking with our logical brain and trying to solve it with a logical brain without realizing that maybe I think the statistics are that sort of 90 plus percent of our and decisions are actually made subconsciously. And I think that that is, is, is the power of, uh, is that you can sort of try and get that connection with the subconscious that the, the other part of your, the, the, voice in your head that, that's, You know, you've got the two voices often, you know, one saying, you know, you shouldn't be drinking and the other one saying, go on, you'll feel better if you do. And, and to, to sort of try and get in, get the two to sort of meet and have a, have that, understanding of each other. you know, isn't easy in your own sort of, executive frontal lobe, trying to solve it with, with rationality or, you know, with, with logical thinking. So it's, it's, uh, Those are the kind of breakthroughs that you, that can be, can be had with coaching. So I was just still thinking about, you know, that first encounter you had where you said, you know, I feel too, I'm too old, you know, I can't change. And, you know, I think a lot of people will, will you know, well, I'm just different. I'm, I'm broken. I'm, you know, I'm hopeless. and. The coach found you, found a way to connect with you. I mean, how do you go about that, making that sort of connection with people in the beginning of a coaching relationship?

Margie Colthorp 16:44

so another great question, and I lean back on what all learned in our coach training from Annie is that, you know, we're basically humans or we're a system, you know, inputs and outputs, right? Garbage in, garbage out. And I can ask them to tell me a little bit about themselves. I can tell them a little bit about myself, way conversation. I can find out what kind of inputs, what kind of messaging that they are married to, or their beliefs, basically. And when I can connect those dots between the, the messages that they received throughout their life, what outputs those are, so they don't believe in themselves, they feel like they're broken, they've been told over and over and over, they're this or they're that, they start to believe it, and then what do they do with that and the outputs they drink. So it's not linear, of course, but the more I can get them to feel comfortable with me, and sometimes that means I tell them my story. And I will tell them, you know, I, I will hear them say something about their story and I will relate to them and I'll say, yes, me too, me too. And that seems to their shoulders kind of come down and they're, Expressions kind of soften because I think we all when we came into this, whatever level we came into whatever program, we all felt like we were the only ones. I know I did nobody knows. Nobody has the story I have. And when you hear a coach say. That happened to me too, or I can relate to that something similar. It is an instant So that's that's typically how it works is You know in every relationship coaching relationship But you have to allow for that time to kind of warm up and build trust and that is all about just giving them space and I think that that is maybe a part of Coaching that that I have seen in my own experience is missed just to slow down and give the client the space to say I'm here. I don't know what's happening. I'm a little nervous Where is this going, you know, so it really does

Justine Clark 19:19

For sure. It's

Margie Colthorp 19:21

two

Justine Clark 19:21

absolutely, I love the fact that you're talking about, creating the space for change and, you know, When we change our relationship with, with alcohol, there are, there are lots of surprises along the way. I think for me, the most surprising thing was, it didn't seem to be about alcohol at all. It actually seemed to be about my relationship with myself. And as we, Barry mentioned earlier, I've just moved back to New Zealand, so a lot of my infrastructure and support structures and systems have changed, and I'm really meeting myself hard right there, going, you know, Okay. What about you today? What are you going to do with yourself? How do you make yourself happy here? And I know that, you know, that kind of,

Margie Colthorp 20:05

Silence. Silence.

Justine Clark 20:24

and You know, who are my friends, where are my clients going to come from? How do I move around the city? There is that part of me that still goes, there are other ways of comforting yourself. Instead, I'm I've learned through coaching the coaching we do to lean in and listen to what is that emotion? What's been the most, what are the surprises for you in, in either, either coaching or Being alcohol free in your journey, Margie.

Margie Colthorp 20:56

I am able to. sit in discomfort where I would never in the past be able to do that. And I heard people say, you have to sit in discomfort. And I would say, yeah, I don't even, you know, when they would say, where do you feel this in your body? I'm like, don't know. I have no idea. I would like to learn how to do that. But I intellectualized my emotions. And I was really good at it. so learning how to let those emotions kind of drop down and identify them in my body has been, the biggest aha for me. learning that I am everything I need. I am everything I need and I'm not everybody's cup of tea. that was another huge learning for me because I had lived my life trying to fit in what everybody else thought. I should be how I should navigate through the world and operate through the world. And so I had a mask on on who I was with that mask, know, you can't hold that forever. but I will say this too. I believe. work that I've done with the Enneagram, is based on ancient personality, wisdom. That has been, many ways, complementary to the coaching certification work that I've done. It opens doors for people when they can see themselves, when they learn their Enneagram type. There's an instant connection. They start to get it much faster. and that was true for me too. So that is something that I've, I've spent the last year on really understanding and how my personality motivates me to behave, is basically what Enneagram is. And when I can show a client that it's, you can see on their face, starts to make sense. And then we can really get down. You know, get down to the questions that they won't ask themselves. And you guys know this, they won't ask themselves these questions. we have to be brave enough, enough, to ask the questions to help them see what they need to see. So I think that's, know, probably too long of an answer, what I have noticed about myself.

Barry Condon 23:34

No, that's really good. for that Enneagram, do you have, a website you could give us that we could put in the show notes that, that, people could look into. Cause I think that is a really powerful thing. I think understanding, understanding your own, self more, can be really powerful. And I think also with. something we've we, look at, are quite often a sort of the, the, I forget her name now. who came up with the archetypes of, of, of the eight different archetypes of drinking. I'll put her name in the, show notes too, where you can sort of see you know, the, the, your motivation in certain situations. Why are you drinking a certain situation? Are you someone who drinks to reward themselves? Are you someone who drinks to escape someone? who, who wants to enhance the situation, to socialize? Is it a mask? Is it a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a self medication? You know the, and when you ask those sort of questions to people, or, or can you see yourself drinking in those sort of situations? allows people to, it gives people a handle to sort of go, Oh yeah, well I can relate with that. You know, I used to drink like that or that insist, you know, when I'm with my family, I'm a bit like that or you know, and it can be really, really powerful. For yourself, what's been sort of most surprising part of your journey, as people like to say, of finding alcohol freedom? What's been the biggest surprise?

Margie Colthorp 24:55

think the most surprising thing is how other people react to me when I say, Hey, Oh, I don't drink anymore. And my mother is 101 years old. And she still says, Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. I said, don't be sorry. I'm very happy. But the, the assumption is that that's poor me. I should, I should really be sad about that. And a lot of people who have quit drinking do like, Oh, I can never go in a bar again. I can never be around alcohol again. And so when I say, Hey, would you like to go to lunch? And, and You know, someone who's a drinker, sure. Where they assume that I want to go someplace that where there's no alcohol. And so I'll say, Hey, this new place but they have a bar. I'm like, yeah, if you want one, have one. And so it's just, it's not the same as being still being imprisoned by alcohol. So the freedom is really that it is the freedom to feel like it has no hold over me whatsoever.

Justine Clark 26:04

that. And that actually speaks to the methodology strongly. Actually, with science and Compassional, which we've spoken about earlier, it actually helps us change our beliefs. So we're not holding on with any type of willpower to, to, to stay sober or not drink. Our belief has changed. We can drink any time we like. We're just genuinely choosing not to. So, that is, that is, a resounding and outstanding quality of this work. So if those, if anyone's out there looking for that kind of experience, this is what this work, work does. Margie, what three words then would, would wrap up your feelings around being alcohol free and, and even being an alcohol freedom coach.

Margie Colthorp 26:52

the first word that comes to mind is peace. Peace. I have a very, had a very chaotic upbringing and the peace within me and the peace within me that no longer requires escaping, it, that is my number one. what I thought was boredom, I would be so bored if I didn't drink actually my And that is something that, anybody who has quit. And found freedom. Absolutely understands that. it's a bit of a mental leap if, you know, you're just starting out on this journey. But, yeah. I think, the contentment of knowing I am, because I always Walked around for 60, I'm 67 now, walked around for 64 years and said, I don't know who I am because I had never allowed myself to be I was. So it never allowed myself to be authenticity. I think it means being myself, no mask, being okay with whatever. So it's just, it is, I feel like I found my essence of who I really am. Beyond personality, beyond ego, is, you know, the stripping away of who is Margie. Which was my, that was my first year. I wanted to say, I got to get alcohol out of my life. That was my, my big goal year two after alcohol was out of my life. Pardon my language. Who the hell is Margie? I had no idea. And so that was how I spent my second year after I, was, you know, it was small and irrelevant out who I was and it, I thought the journey would be over at year two, but I am learning it now that I'm in starting on year four, there is no end to this journey. It is always getting to know myself at a deeper level and able to. Look back at my journey pour myself into, as you guys did with the training and knowing that we are capable of helping so many people, in learning who I was, I discovered. My purpose, 67 years, and I did not know my purpose. So the, the ability to, be able to reach down and give a hand up somebody else is everything it is. It is my, the rest of my life's work. And I am to have the privilege of this training and being with like minded folks like you guys and helping clients. It's just it is Literally a dream come true. But yeah I know who margie is

Barry Condon 30:17

piece, you know, I can so relate to that. I think, you know, if I, when I I, I needed to stop, I just thought, okay, I've got to stop. And, you know, life would be dull and, and awful without it. so to discover that on the other side, actually life's better and, and you can find yourself and live more authentically. It's just, you know, it's just an amazing thing. So, the more people that find that, find that out the better. I just didn't know that when, when, when I was still drinking.

Margie Colthorp 30:48

Absolutely

Barry Condon 30:48

Well, can you tell people where, they can get in touch with you and how they can find you if, if, you know, if they're looking for some coaching, or just to follow you on, on Instagram, perhaps.

Margie Colthorp 30:58

Yes. I am on Instagram at brave space coach and that's also my website. Brave space dot coach is my website. My coaching company's name is brave space coaching. and it's basically if you have brave space. Anywhere in your search bar, wherever you're looking, that's how you'll find me. but yeah, so I, would love to connect with anybody who resonated with my story or, yeah, just to, just to talk. but I want to thank you both for having me here. an amazing experience.

Justine Clark 31:38

you for sharing your brave space with us, Margie.

Barry Condon 31:40

Yeah, it's been a real pleasure. Thank you.

Margie Colthorp 31:42

you. you. so much.