Barry Condon: 0:00

This is Alcohol Freedom Finders. In this episode, we catch up with Aisha, an alumni of our first Alcohol Freedom Finders 30 day program. Aisha is a fantastic advert for our program's potential, because like so many people before she gave it a go She had never even considered a life without alcohol. Drinking had been part of her life for years and felt central to her friendships and had never been problematic. She just thought a Dry January supporting her friend Justine's new venture would be a fun chance to challenge herself to see if she could go 30 days without booze. But as the month went on, She found that what she was learning was changing how she felt about alcohol altogether. And by the end of the month, her desire to drink again was all but gone. Now a year on, she's alcohol free and happier than ever. She calls it magic. We call it freedom. Let's get cracking.

Justine Clark: 0:49

Welcome everybody to this week's Alcohol Freedom Finders and I genuinely couldn't be more excited to welcome one of my dearest friends and our guest today, Aisha Aisha, yes, as I said, is one of my oldest and dearest friends and joined our very first Alcohol Freedom Finding Group Month program back in January last year Aisha. And we thought it was a good opportunity with January Looming to touch base and see how the year's been. So welcome Aisha.

Ayshea Furlong: 1:22

Hi.

Barry Condon: 1:22

Hi Ayesha, great to see you again. well, let's begin, you know, at the logical beginning, for us at least, you know, what brought you to us in January last year? Sure.

Ayshea Furlong: 1:33

So it was, it wasn't the planned, it wasn't anything planned. it doesn't happen that it was New Year's day and obviously we've all had a bit of a blast on New Year's Eve and went for a walk with a few of my friends and we. It ended in the pub, as usual. I said, right, who wants a glass of Prosecco? two friends went, no, I'm doing dry January. And I was like, oh, dry January, dry January. That's, I've never done that before. So, I was like, oh, okay, well, maybe I'll do that as well. So I went and ordered three coffees and we sat there and we had a really lovely afternoon drinking coffee rather than Prosecco. And then I think it was about the 2nd of January, I was just, you know, on my mobile phone and Something came up, from Justine on, on Facebook. I haven't seen Justine for years. And, I just got in touch and, Justine told and explained to me what it was about. and I thought, well, what, what the hell, let's give it a go. So it was more about reconnecting with an old friend, and going on a journey, trying to do dry January. that was it. And I've never done that before. I've never gone four days without drinking alcohol. So it was an unusual thing for me to even consider Okay.

Justine Clark: 3:13

For sure. And actually I remember sort of at the start of the program, you were like, you know, I can take this or leave it. I'm just doing this for a bit of a laugh. It's nice to see you. So, what do you think your, goal was at maybe the beginning of the month and then towards the end of the month, how did that shift for you?

Ayshea Furlong: 3:33

So I really surprised myself. So my goal Just simply was to try and get through January without drinking any alcohol. but I learned so much on the journey, each and every day. And because we were a group, I think there might. Being about 10 of us, that met up on a weekly basis and we sort of just up and we were accountable to selves and our achievements or, or, or not. we didn't beat each other up about if we, if we, we did have a drink, you know, it was just, it was just an exploration really on how each one of us were, we're doing on this journey. But it was really helped because we had daily podcasts, to listen to, it was part of the course, and that opened my eyes up a little bit more about the dangers, of alcohol, long, the long term dangers and how. bad it is for your health and everyone will sit there and know it's bad for your health but we still do it and I have done it and I did do it for 30 years and I just didn't stop just I don't know why didn't stop and I think it's because I didn't have the time to do it. I didn't know how to, everyone else around me was doing exactly the same. So this course, the, the dry January just opened my eyes up to life outside of alcohol and what it looked like. It wasn't easy. It wasn't, it wasn't easy, but it wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be.

Barry Condon: 5:30

That's great. I, I think, I think you've sort of hit the nail on the head that the way that we approach it and the way that the methodology works, that it is an experiment and there's no judging about, you know, how much you drink on it, how much you don't drink and whether you have, try one or you don't have one, you know, whether you make a month without drinking, the idea is to, through those videos, as you said, we use it, um, um, A companion app from this naked mind. And there's a 30 day experiment, programmed there where we, where everyone gets a video every day that sort of triggers, thoughts about, you know, about that, about the risks, but, but we actually, I mean, and even, maybe you were, yeah, subconsciously, You sort of focus on, on the, the, the, the negative side of, of drinking, but actually the, the, the course tends to focus more on the reasons why we drink and it kind of debunks the, the perceived benefits. and I think for me at least, that was part, that was probably the strongest, part of the program is, is that, When you sort of start to see the illusion that, that, that drinking is, and realize that actually, you know, you get a bit of a buzz, but, the, the knock on effects, last much longer than the, than the sort of buzz benefits, then it becomes easier to feel, Less inclined to drink and it feels easier to leave, leave it on the table. and that's the way that we like to approach it is, is that we don't want to, someone to sort of resist drinking. We want someone to come to the conclusion for themselves that actually they're better off without it. I wonder if that resonates at all with you.

Ayshea Furlong: 7:07

I suppose it was, it was like there was a helping hand with me every step of the way. So I would, I would. Each day or you watch the podcast, it would say, okay, you're in day five. Now you might, you might find that you're sleeping better and you start recognizing, Oh, right, actually. And, and it goes into the science behind on why, why you're sleeping better. and then it might go into, now you're going to have some sugar cravings. And you sort of go, Oh, sugar cravings or, or just, you know, having cravings. And of course I've never had cravings before because I just had to drink. And, but it was just reassuring that these cravings were, were normal and it just provided some support, about what you can do to help you get out of those cravings, you know, why you do it, have a, have a, You know, why do you drink the reason why you drink? well, this might be different for different people, but you learn about that and you sort of break it down. You know, mine was sometimes just boredom. I drink because I just could, I drunk because I thought I was funnier. I drunk because it was, I was just, you know, felt more attractive and all of these, all of these reasons. And then when you sort of get these cravings, you sort of go, well, what, what am I going to do? Where am I going to go? Cause I'd usually go, Oh, I'll go, I'll go to the pub. Well, I can't, I can't go to the pub because I can't drink. so the group was supportive and giving you some ideas of things you can do. So, I'd go to the cinema or I'd go to, theater. I booked, booked in some really nice things to support me. we had a WhatsApp group and we shared all of our favorite, non alcoholic, beers. that was, that was good fun. Um, so the part of the course was being able to support me and help me and just feel reassured. How my body was reacting and changing to not drinking.

Justine Clark: 9:16

Yeah, I think you've hit the nail on the head because quite often when we try and reduce our alcohol or do a dry January, although we know lots of people are doing it, we're really just doing it ourselves and we do it with willpower alone. And willpower is like a muscle. It's a muscle that can only hang on to the edge of the cliff for so long. This is scientifically true that willpower just dissipates over time. So what we need is the new beliefs to come up and support us. And, what's more important, having the community and the connection of other people doing the same thing. So yes, we set up a private WhatsApp group for only the people that are in that cohort. we message each other, you know, sometimes daily, sometimes more than that, depending on what people are experiencing, to offer support, different types of drinks you might want to try, and just a buddy system. You know, if you've had a bad day, or Oh, it's Friday. What are you doing on Friday? You know, what do you normally do on Friday? So I think that accountability and community and connection all mean that willpower isn't such a necessary thing to have. And, you know, all of us want to do a dry January, but sometimes it's difficult because, I don't know about you, but lots of times I hear people getting to about day four or five and they can get through that first week and then it's Friday again. And that knackered and exhausted and want to reward themselves or they're bored and all the reasons kick in again. the next thing I just wanted to ask you because I know that there are hurdles through the month, like we talked about, were there any hurdles in the month that you had to overcome?

Ayshea Furlong: 10:57

Definitely some Friday nights tricky for me. Friday night was usually going out and having a drink and. Everyone was at the pub. all of my friends were at the pub and initially I didn't feel, I didn't feel strong enough to be able to go to the pub and not drink. that was just, just initially. it didn't, it didn't last long. was, you know, I was just really curious about how I was feeling. It was really, I mean, it's really, really interesting about how, how my mind was working and how it was over going over time. and thinking, why am I doing this? Questioning myself. And, and, then I remember just walking up and down the stairs in my house because to pass time and just, just to pass time because I didn't know how to fill my time. and it became apparent to me that I had, I had so much spent so much time just drinking and yeah, I was usually doing it. In a, in a, in a social way. it doesn't mean that I'm not social anymore because I still go to the pub and I, and I still go to pub and I still have a drink, with everyone else and I laugh as loud as everybody else. but I get to drive home and everyone loves that. So the Friday nights were particularly hard. the sugar cravings, the, I've got to say, that's probably one thing I feel like I might have replaced, the alcohol with a few more cakes and biscuits, I don't, I never had a sweet tooth, I never didn't think I had a sweet tooth, but I didn't realize how much sugar, you know, how much sugar there is in alcohol. but I don't know whether it is the sugar or it's, that need to treat yourself because I think it's really good to be kind to yourself. And, if you have, you've had a tough day at work to come home and have, mince pies and a cup of tea, which is what I did tonight. so it's, was quite, that was quite a change having these, these sugar cravings. So hot chocolate was something that I'd sort of moved to. What else did I find quite hard? I mean, I did have some friends that would say to me, I don't know if I can be your friend if you're not going to drink. I was like, oh no! What am I going to do? fortunately we're still friends. And, and she's actually gone long periods of not drinking herself now. but it was, that was a bit of a shock. thinking that there was a chance that my friendships might change. But it just made other people curious they watched me change and go out and, do things without alcohol. It just made them as well about whether or not they could do the same thing.

Barry Condon: 14:01

That's, that's really, really interesting. I mean, it's such a common thing, but a lot of what you said there are things that people will, maybe either worried about or, or, if they've been through. a period of, of, of not drinking themselves, they'll, they'll resonate with that. I know the amount of time you get back in the beginning, it feels really overwhelming that you just, what do I do with my time? You know, I'm like, you're awake in the morning and you don't, you know, you're not nursing a hangover or, you know, you're slightly more energetic, you know, what do I do? And, and, and in the evening, as you say, you know, if you, if you're not, you know, already sort of slouched on the couch after having a few drinks before dinner. you know, you've got all this time back and, you know, and, and you feel like you should be doing something with it. And, and I think that's the trick is that eventually you'll, you'll think, Oh, well, actually this is a gift. You know, I've got, I've got this time back and it's an opportunity to do other things and, and, pick up hobbies again, or, or, or take, you know, do, let your imagination run away with you. that's, that's one thing. And I was also thinking that, yeah, that that's, something that can be. really scary for people is you know, what will it, what will other people think, about my decision not to drink and, and, and I, I think people are often, you know, a bit sort of, Oh gosh, you know, what does this mean? You know, will she be the same? What would she think of me? And, and, and, and, should I be looking at my drinking? and I think, you know, as long as you. Are a bit prepared for that and you understand that people are going to be, you know, want to know why and what to want to have, you know, ask you questions and you can have a plan as to how much you want to share and you know, you don't have to tell them, your full story. You don't have to tell them anything you don't want to want to. You just, I'm just, you know, I'm just not drinking tonight. I'm just, you know, doing a detox. I'm just, you know, I'm driving or, you know, anything you that feels comfortable is okay. And people aren't as, aren't looking at you as carefully as, as, as, as we often think it, you sort of think, Oh my God, you know, everyone's going to be looking at me, you know, what am I doing with my hands? And, and, but so when did it, when did you feel more confident? When, when, when did you go to the pub for the first time and, and, and, and how did you do that and how did it feel?

Ayshea Furlong: 16:05

When did I, I can't remember. I, I tried, I tried to. Particularly when I think I moved into February, when I felt a little bit more comfortable and I wanted to, I didn't want to change my life. I wanted to still do the same things with the same people, but slightly differently. So I would go to, I'd make sure I'd go to the pubs that did, Sell something worth worth drinking and there are a surprising number of, Alcohol free beers on draft now in the pubs and I can, I can sit there with my pint of alcohol free beer and everyone else is drinking and nobody would have a scooby doo that I didn't have alcohol in my beer. at all. and that, that just feels really good. And then I, I don't wake up in the middle of the night going, Oh, why did I have that last drink? and I don't wake up with any regrets. I don't wake up with, you know, any hangovers. I've been I wake up every morning feeling amazing. and it, and I, it allows me to make plans. I don't, I don't even have to think about what I might be doing the night before without, you know, previously, if I was meeting a friend early in the morning to go for a run, but I had a work to do the night before, I probably wouldn't go. But now I don't even have to think about it.

17:49

If you're looking to take back control of your drinking, why don't you join our Alcohol Freedom Finders 30 day group program. It's a great place to start. Because we approach it as an experiment, rather than a challenge. Whereas, as well as getting a great detox, you learn the science and the psychology about why you're drunk in the first place. So whether you want to stop altogether, or just become a more mindful and moderate drinker, why don't you give it a crack? Use the link in the show notes to sign up to our next 30 day program, and you won't regret it. Because no one ever woke up in the morning and said, I wish I'd had more to drink last night, did they? Back to the episode.

Ayshea Furlong: 18:30

and that's, that happened, that happened quite quickly, I think, because I wanted to make the most of the things that I wouldn't, that I could do without drinking, without thinking about it. so I became more sociable in different ways, still sociable, but not past o'clock. yeah, PM that is, not AM.

Justine Clark: 18:58

I think that's the time that most of us say, you know, we like doing exactly the same things, alcohol free, but you know, we also like to snuggle up and be in bed before midnight, which is, you know, quite right too. so it seems to me that actually you've become more sociable since, stopping drinking. And I've experienced that with you myself, because May, after probably a decade, Aisha was my bridesmaid. That's how close we were. We really were very close. loved each other very much, and Aisha moved away, which is why we lost contact. But another reason, and this is me being really honest, another reason why I think we lost contact, is we were both drinkers in the evening. you know, once you've had a couple of drinks, you just zone out, and you watch television, and you do the least easiest thing to do. You're not sort of sitting there thinking, Hmm, I don't want to be walking up and down my stairs, I want to find something to do. You think about other things, you think about your friends, you plan things. so in May, we, in April or May, we actually spent a weekend together for the first time in 10 years. And it was wonderful. We had the, we had the best time, and it didn't cross our minds once to have a drink. we celebrated and laughed and had the best time ever, better than ever before. And for me, if, if I hadn't stopped drinking, and Aisha hadn't found me through stopping drinking, We may not have reconnected, and connection is probably my greatest win with stopping drinking and trusting myself and my connections. That the connections I'm having are real and authentic, and I can maintain them, and I won't forget about them in the morning.

Ayshea Furlong: 20:34

I totally resonate with that, that, one of the things, that I really quite like about it is that connection that I have with people. I went on a seminar, over two days and. You have over the, in the evening, you have to, not you have to, it's, it's, it's a, it's a meal and you're sitting there with people you don't know and all the, lots of wine, alcohol flowing, and I was drinking water, sparkling water, and I had just amazing, conversations with two people on either side, and found out so much about them and, and I was genuinely interested. Whereas in previous days, I would have been just back the wine and not really connecting or, or really caring about the conversation or that person. so that felt really positive and really good for me.

Barry Condon: 21:42

That's really, that's great. And I think a lot of people before you ever take a break, you sort of think, okay, well the best I could imagine is, okay, it'll be nice not waking up with a hangover. And, you know, people sort of say, you know, perhaps a bit more energy, perhaps, you know, I'll, I'll, I'll, you know, maybe they say you might sleep a bit better or you feel a bit more energetic. Okay. But, you know, you give up so much, you know, all my best times are with the drink. I'm going to get all my best. Yeah, connections with the drink. So it's really powerful to hear that, you know, that, that actually the reality is when you take the drink away and get a little bit of distance from it, you start, you know, that you don't miss it and you're not sort of on edge in a situation where normally you would previously drink. I mean, to begin with, you, you might well be, but having been through a couple of cycles of going to the pub or going to a social event, you, you, you start to trust yourself, think, Oh, actually, no, I can do this without a drink. And actually, you know, then I can connect properly. Then I could be more myself and remember what's going on. so that's, that's really powerful for people to understand is that actually, you know, it's not just, Oh, I have a problem. I have to stop. Poor me. And, and, and I'll look over my shoulder, you know, for the rest of my life regretting that, you know, I pushed it too far. you know, I'm looking over my shoulder, wishing, you know, scared that I might have another drink and, you know, The, the, the, the alcohol problem will get me. It's, it's getting to that point where you really, where you remove drink, from the equation and realize actually that everything in your, you know, the way you feel, your neurochemistry is, is much more in balance. You, you're more relaxed and, and happier. And, and then you think, well, why would I have a drink? Not, not, I can't have a drink. Why would I, that would just, you know, spoil tomorrow and, and, and probably spoil tonight as well. So what would you say to someone who's questioning themselves and maybe looking to reframe their, relationship with Algar. What would you say to them?

Ayshea Furlong: 23:33

be curious, if, if they're, if they're really interested in, you know, all the considering or the concerned, I mean, I wasn't even concerned about the amount of alcohol I was drinking. it was, it was just about being curious in terms of whether you can, you, what a different person, what person you could be without it. did, in, when we did the, they, Course again in July, I did or I encouraged a friend to sort of come along, as well. And, she was, you know, she was really, you know, amazed that, I still hadn't touched any alcohol all year and she was curious. And I think that she recognized in herself that. It wasn't good for her she didn't sleep very well. She got very overwhelmed. She, you know, her anxiety, increased when she was drinking. Whilst it made her feel better initially doesn't, it's not a cure. And she was just self medicating all the time. So just to be curious and to give it a go. There's nothing, there's nothing to lose, from doing a dry January. even if you don't want to. out of it, more knowledgeable, and understand more of the risks and, and the, the, the health, implications that it can have and you reduce or moderate, your alcohol. It's been magic for me. I mean, I still can't myself drinking. I'm not saying I haven't had a drink all year. because I have, I did, I did try, a gin and tonic, recently. did taste nice, but I didn't, I didn't get any benefits from it. And it actually started about half an hour after I drank it started making me feel sick. My body was rejecting it. So for me, that was a reminder that, you know, alcohol is, is poison for your body. It's not good for you. And my body was rejecting it. I don't regret trying the gin and tonic. It was more of a, a reminder for me on why I, I decide it's my choice and decide not to drink alcohol. I. I, I've had such a great experience from it and my life has completely changed for the better many ways. I just want other people to try it and give it a go, because if I can do it, I'm drinking, you know, every night for 30 years and I've been able to. Stop. I just believe if I can do it, anybody can do it.

Justine Clark: 26:45

I love that Aisha. So what three words, we always like to ask our guests, what three words sort of encapsulate being an alcohol freedom finder for you?

Ayshea Furlong: 26:55

okay, so liberating. I just feel liberated. I don't that alcohol's controlling me anymore because it did, you know, it controlled me. There was an expectation on me to drink to be the life and soul of the party. It's just liberating that I can do what I want, when I want, how I want it. True to myself, true to me, not intoxicated Aisha. I think it's really, I feel really empowered. and I'm, I'm really proud of myself and I feel that I've taken, you know, control, of my life. So I definitely feel some empowerment from that. And also the third word would be healthy. So, It's, it's kind of like a mental health, I feel mentally healthy. whereas physically, physically, I know I'm healthy. because a lot of, a lot of the, the stuff that's going on in your body when you're drinking, you know, you, you don't get to see. so I know because I'm not. Putting that alcohol in my system. I'm a lot healthier for it, but mentally healthier, because I don't have that anxiety. I don't have that stress. I don't beat myself up anymore. I'm not good enough or I can't believe I had another drink and, you know, all of that. healthier for that.

Barry Condon: 28:47

That's brilliant. I want to just say Thank you for sharing all that with us. But I and I want to say thanks for coming and we could round it all out. But I just remind you just reminded me of that story that you said you you you told us in July about your birthday and how,

Ayshea Furlong: 29:04

Oh, that was So

Barry Condon: 29:05

was such a reminder to people to us, you know, we're not giving anything up, you know, you don't have to, you know, Not enjoy things or miss out. So just tell us briefly about how about your your birthday.

Ayshea Furlong: 29:18

the big, the big 5 0 and, my, my girlfriends had, had arranged, for us to meet, at this bar went down to the bar. It was, It was a cocktail bar. I have really, really nice, really, really swanky. And I had a mocktail. I think a few of my friends have mocktails well. and they were the best mocktails cocktails I've ever had. Had we had, a really good laugh and, it, I don't know. It just, it just felt amazing. I felt connected with all of my friends. And it, it's funny because I, I was just speaking to my friend about it, just a couple of days ago about that very evening, and we said that we want to go back because the cocktails were, were amazing, but was. It was about being connected, being all connected, being together, with a special drink, but it just didn't have alcohol in it.

Justine Clark: 30:24

That's the elephant in the room sure. Alcohol doesn't need to be there. We can be connected, liberated, in control and healthy like you say Aisha. it's just wonderful to see you, be with you again and have that connections and thank you for being part of our journey.

Ayshea Furlong: 30:41

Thank you.

Justine Clark: 30:41

of their hearts.

Barry Condon: 30:43

Yeah. Thanks so much

Ayshea Furlong: 30:44

You've changed my

Barry Condon: 30:45

brilliant