0:00

This is Alcohol Freedom Finders. In this episode, you'll meet Martha, whose life as an on call midwife kept her drinking under control. But when she retired, those guardrails evaporated. And when COVID lockdown hit, like so many other people, she found herself drinking more than she'd ever wanted to. Fed up with the cycle of frustration and shame, her journey to alcohol freedom began with an Instagram post about the science led, compassionate approach of the This Naked Mind methodology, in which Justine and I are both certified coaches. It was the promise that her situation wasn't her fault that gave her the courage to sign up to a coaching programme that would change the trajectory of her life forever. Let's jump in.

Barry Condon 0:41

Okay. Welcome to, Alcohol Freedom Finders. This episode we're really excited to have with us. Martha Redpath, a coach from the United States, she's a friend of ours. We trained together, as coaches with this naked mind. she's a, been a midwife for, for, or at least was a midwife for 30 years. midwife and a nurse and is, specializing in trying to, help, healthcare professionals and midwives and, and, and anyone in that space who's struggling, to keep a lid on, the amount that they drink. and without further ado, I'd like to say hi to Martha

Martha Redpath 1:18

Hi, Barry. Hi, Justine. I'm so honored to be here. What a privilege.

Justine Clark 1:23

And we're so blessed to have you with us Martha, I can't wait to hear more about your journey. I gravitate towards you, I've always gravitated towards you, but we've never had time to sit and explore your specific journey and what led you to this naked mind in the first place and now becoming alcohol free and an alcohol free coach.

Martha Redpath 1:43

Well, it's been quite a journey for, me. It's been a bit of a simmering pot that, my alcohol journey sort of gradually increased. I had these lovely boundaries of call. So as a midwife, I was very determined not to be over drinking when I was on call. And some days I. Would come home at the end of my call and have the big glass of red wine there, but it was quite moderated and contained. And then, what happened is that when I retired those guardrails left, and then when COVID occurred yet another guardrail left because I didn't, wasn't driving anywhere. So I was the person who was very cautious. about, not over drinking in public, being the designated driver, only two drinks. And then I'd go home if I wasn't on call, finish the bottle of wine. and so a lot of it was in. The shame of hiding for me was a bit, a big part of my story. And, I found this naked mind when I was instant on Instagram, surprisingly. we typically do dry January. And so it was, January of 2022. So post COVID post realizing suddenly I was drinking a bottle of wine at night. Sometimes more than that and feeling sick, beating myself up. Not quite sure what I wanted to do. and then I saw this Instagram about compassion. It wasn't my fault. That this is such an addictive substance. All of society is promoting it and thinking it's the best thing in the world. I, I thought, Oh, I I've, I've tried this. I can do 30 days think I'm done moderation. Great. And then I'm back even more, I was thinking about it more. It was in my head so much more. That I was drinking more. And I thought I kept getting the emails about the path, the path, the path. And I thought, Oh, for goodness sakes, Martha, push the button and try it in that heart pounding. Oh, what does that mean that I need help? I'm so nervous about this. Just push the button and be courageous and go for it. And, and I just found this. kindness. I found this compassion. I found this place where everyone from all over the world, all different backgrounds, all different experiences were sharing their true stories. And I could be authentic and let down my guard, not try to impress anybody. Not try to keep, you know, containers around what, what did people think of me? I'm the midwife in the community. Everybody knows me. What's my reputation. Didn't have to worry about any of that. And

Barry Condon 4:19

the, for the, for the people that don't know the, the path is the, maybe you could tell people what the path is.

Martha Redpath 4:26

yeah, so at that point in time, it was a three month coaching program in a large group of people from all over the world. And it, it took us through a lot of information about, of all, stop trying to stop drinking, learn about it, become aware, very much mindfulness, and I've had a. Meditation practice for years. So that really hooked me in about mindfulness and then try a period of time of not drinking, see how that was in the meantime, learning, learning, learning, learning all about the science. And for me, that evidence based stuff was the hook. I loved the science of it and it convinced me, okay, we'll try another month. Okay. Try another month. And I just got curious about, wow, this substance is wrecking my life in many ways. What would it be if I didn't, what would it be if I went on holiday with all of my family and not drank, couldn't imagine it before, what would it be if I went through Thanksgiving, Christmas? And so it just increased slowly, slowly, slowly. And I've felt so much better health wise. Emotionally, every way in the world. And so that was it. And I realized that, that addictive nature of alcohol sort of slowly, slowly slipped in and 2018 was a real cluster of difficult things for me. I retired the last baby I caught died not because of my, anything that I did or didn't do, but still that tragic heart wrenching thing. of my dear friends dropped

Barry Condon 6:01

Hmm.

Martha Redpath 6:01

My son got shot. these terrible things happen

Barry Condon 6:06

Wow.

Martha Redpath 6:07

and during the immediate, emergency of it, again, the midwife, the nurse kicks in, don't drink, have to be on call, have to be available for my son. then afterwards. When nobody was watching, when there were no containers on not drinking, I just thought it was a good thing. It would help me to cope, wouldn't it?

Barry Condon 6:27

I think in, in, at least here in the UK and in Europe, that the medical world is, sort of counterintuitively quite a, quite a heavy drinking culture. I don't know if that's the same in America. Mm.

Martha Redpath 6:38

Absolutely. Absolutely. It's, it's, I think culturally induced, even in medical schools and midwifery schools, any of the conferences, the bar's always really full. It's as though this is permission. This is what we deserve where our beepers are off. So let's just get loaded then feel terrible and laugh about it in the morning and what a funny time we had. And, and it sort of set the stage in. this was something I was supposed to do or encouraged to do. And, so it just became this habit pattern after call my husband thinking he was being kind, had this huge glass of red wine ready for me. And I'd say, Oh, thank you so much. Thinking it was the best thing. I think healthcare providers. are also, it's an addictive, why would it, why would it not be addictive to them like everybody else? And so, but there's more shame involved because here we are the experts. We're giving advice to people about healthcare all the time, all day long. And then how do we take care of ourselves? And I really feel so strongly that people, the healthcare providers need to know, it's okay to tell your story and, to find that

Justine Clark 7:51

Martha,

Martha Redpath 7:52

find that there is another way to cope.

Justine Clark 7:56

Martha you've really just highlighted again, I was going to ask you what do you think your biggest struggle was and how did you overcome it, but I think this, this concept of stigma, both professionally and personally, like it was a real struggle for you. Martha.

Martha Redpath 8:17

and that, led into that hiding part, you know, outwardly, nobody would have ever guessed that I was over drinking. people were shocked when I was at, Oh, I'm not drinking anymore. Well, was that a problem? Like, yeah, yes, it was. So the stigma is totally there. and You know, I think that that's the part that needs to come forward, that it's not just some other people that are the alcoholics. It is everyone that can become over drinking, addicted to this substance, which is highly addictive. It's quite simple, and the science is there to support it, but we've created these others, the, you know, so that it protects us in some way. We're not responsible

Barry Condon 9:02

It feels as if, for a lot of people that it needs to be. Really extreme before you can even call it a problem that that it's I sort of think it's important for people to be able to know, it doesn't have to be, park benches, early in the morning with bottles in brown paper bags for it to be a problem. It can be, you know, once it starts, detracting from your enjoyment in life and feeling, some sort of compulsive thing that you can't enjoy things without it. then it's time you can get curious and, and, and start to do something about it, or at least consider it and, and it doesn't need to be, yeah, an extreme scenario.

Martha Redpath 9:40

right? And what I love what you're doing is offering that it, it can be an option to live fully, wonderfully without alcohol. That's your mission. And I love that, that you're presenting that from all different facets of life. And, I'm so grateful that you're doing this. It's really, really cool.

Barry Condon 9:59

Were there particular things that you were, scared about when you, hit that button and go for it. Well, were there sort of things you thought, okay, well, what am I going to leave behind or what is it going to mean? What am I, what, what if it works? What if it doesn't work? What, what were the things that were worrying you that you wish you'd known? Perhaps, we're going to be okay.

Martha Redpath 10:18

I think the biggest thing for me is I wondered how it would impact my marriage because we had gotten into this ritual of every evening we would have a cocktail and it was sort of our time to debrief the day and so I wondered if I stopped drinking, how will that impact my husband? And so I was most worried about that. And I realized that's a really common problem. And what I, the strategy there was that I, I engaged his help. Number one, by saying, okay, he'd, he'd asked me wine or seltzer and I'd say, okay, seltzer. Can you, can you just not even offer the wine and, and do the seltzer? And then when we'd go to a party, I'd say, can you just make sure my glass is full with seltzer so that I didn't have to think about it. Didn't have to. And then also really made a point of not judging him and asking him to stop drinking. I thought this is my deal. I've got to do it on my terms. I'm doing it for my own health, wellbeing, to feel better. he's got his own journey. And, and so months later I said to him, is it for you that I'm not drinking? Like, this is a big deal for me. And, and he says, well, first of all, you're much happier and you're not judging me. And I got like, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. Oh, Oh, I got to register that one and make sure that that's still true because I, I want the, you know, the marriage to be still engaging and intimate. And in fact, it's given me more resilience. To manage his own health issues. And so that was really my biggest fear and also what other people would think. But I, I think on a personal level, my, on my friend level, that was fine because all of us, as we're aging, I've realized like, this is making it, I'm more sensitive to it as I was aging. but professionally, that was a big one.

12:14

If you're looking to take back control of your drinking, why don't you join our Alcohol Freedom Finders 30 day group program. It's a great place to start. Because we approach it as an experiment, rather than a challenge. Whereas, as well as getting a great detox, you learn the science and the psychology about why you're drunk in the first place. So whether you want to stop altogether, or just become a more mindful and moderate drinker, why don't you give it a crack? Use the link in the show notes to sign up to our next 30 day program, and you won't regret it. Because no one ever woke up in the morning and said, I wish I'd had more to drink last night, did they? Back to the episode.

Justine Clark 12:54

Martha, I just want to go back to the talk about, in, in the home and in, in relationship because that's, that is so common. I know for myself, I thought that actually really it's the cat out of the bag if I'm a failure in front of my husband and I can't drink and know, he's saying, how do we have fun on holiday? What about that first drink when you go abroad? You know, there's kind of celebration and togetherness moments. So I really resonate with what you said there. And I, like you, I, I've never told my husband to change his relationship with alcohol, but surprisingly and lo and behold, after me doing this work for a year without him just witnessing me, come Christmas time, he, he just decided he'd have a little break and we're now six months down the line. And

Martha Redpath 13:40

Yeah.

Justine Clark 13:40

so the science of this, the, this naked mind and the process, the way that it embraces not just us. our families and all of those around us, and you're about to talk about professionals too, that it sort of carries all of us in a wave of positivity that in itself, just there's no room for stigma because it's, it's all, it's all out there and our vulnerability. What a gift to give our partners.

Martha Redpath 14:04

Yeah. No, I agree. I totally agree. And done these really interesting, interesting studies about partners and brain, waves in their heads and people that are hugely anxious. If they put one partner on medication, the other partners, brain waves settle down. And so I think it's a similar thing for me energetically, I think by not drinking. There's a whole different energy field around that happens that of course is very contagious for anyone that comes along. And so on that level too, there's, there's so much mystery around healing and change. I'm so grateful for that. So I'm, I'm very curious about that as well.

Justine Clark 14:50

so is there anything that you wish you had known while you were drinking that you know now?

Martha Redpath 14:56

I think, what would I, I, the, the biggest thing that comes to me is that you feel so much better and that a lot of the construct of, of drinking has been socially defined and promoted by the alcohol companies and not true. And so I, I used to have this image that. A certain amount of alcohol is good for us, isn't it? A little bit of red wine is good for us, but too much alcohol we know causes liver disease. Oh, so as I was slipping, slipping closer to that other side, thought that it was, there's that spectrum rather than a black and white issue. But I think the, the biggest thing that I've learned is that I Don't need it. It's not good for me in any way that it's been this, it's like a myth breaker. I feel like the whole, this naked mind system has broken the myth for me. And at one point I said, this program has ruined drinking for me. I don't want it to get all. There's no reason it was not serving me one bit. It's ruined it, which I love. I mean, I'm so grateful for that.

Barry Condon 16:05

I love that. I love that. For me, at least that it was the science and and sort of the steady, questioning of yourself and curiosity that eventually sort of leads to the psychological changes that you eventually see alcohol for what it is. And it really is like pulling back the curtain and going. Oh, it's not, it's not the sort of be all and end all that I thought we thought it was. And it is actually leaving me worse off every time. And, and, you know, it, it makes you feel better briefly, but in the end, the, the, the net effect is, is negative. And, and eventually you just think, well, why am I keep banging my head against this wall? You know, and, and when you can see it for what it is and feel positive about not doing it and then get away from it for, for, for, you know, 30 days, 60 days, whatever it is, then you. Then, the realization is like, Oh wow, yeah, that's actually, that's what life can be like., have you, found for yourself new, activities and adventures and, and things that you've, that have improved your life since you've, gone alcohol free.

Martha Redpath 17:08

You know, we've been pretty adventuresome in general, so I don't, I can't say that, but the biggest thing that I can say is that the quality of my relationships is dramatically different and that my ability to be patient. My ability to be in my own skin and, you know, deal with difficult situations as my husband's health has declined is a million times better. I used to think that during COVID when he was being annoying with cognitive changes, my blasting out my reactions was somehow helping. And then I would feel, so the biggest difference is I feel like answering and reacting and being present in a way that feels in line with who I truly am and not having this external substance change the way my brain works to, to activate in some way. So I, I honestly feel much more present. I feel less anxious. and I just feel more in my skin and I didn't even realize that those were the resonant, the ripple effects. I didn't know that until I'm now living it. And I. I feel like I have hope for the future again, and, you know, aging doesn't seem scary and like, Oh, I'm going to be a mess in 10 years. I feel hopeful about that. So that's been wonderful.

Barry Condon 18:30

Yeah,

Justine Clark 18:33

not about a funky coloured, funky tasting liquid in a glass at all. It's actually about finding a way to be with ourselves, so yes, it's, it's, it's less about the liquid in the glass. All of a sudden, we remove that out of the equation and it starts to become a journey about Who am I in this world and how do I want to relate and you know, how do I want, do I want to turn up what possibilities are there out there for me?

Martha Redpath 19:03

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I spent my whole life midwifing other people, empowering other people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Watching this unfolding of these transformational moments. And I feel like I'm finally perhaps learning how to midwife myself.

Justine Clark 19:20

Yes.

Martha Redpath 19:21

time. So, yeah, no, it is lovely. It's, it's coming back to myself with myself a way that honors myself, but also then of course, honors the people around me in a much more authentic way. So that's, that's the deep gratitude that comes through for me. And it's not a struggle. I think that's the piece I imagined. alcohol would mean I'd be white knuckling it, you know, missing it and wanting it. And I have none of that. And that's the freedom piece. That's the beauty of the anti grace system of this naked mind that truly unravels those beliefs on a deep level that, that helps personalize it. And if somebody said to me recently, one of my coaching sessions, well, I, I do like the taste of it. And I said, okay, that's your experience. So explore that, understand that. Where does that come from? Rather than me saying, well, it tastes bad. It wasn't real for her. And so anything has to come from our own experiences and we have to be our own best teachers. And I think that's the beauty of this system that it does. Promote, not somebody telling us from above what to do, what's the best thing, disempowering, surrender all your power. It's no, what, what's the truth inside of us that comes forward. And I just love that. Does that resonates with me? That's part of that midwifery model, which is empowering, From within, from that true self. And it all works, it all interconnects. I love that.

Justine Clark 20:55

what does the future hold for you in terms of, your continued journey in freedom.

Martha Redpath 21:00

So I am super excited about setting up some groups for women who are in transition, in a, in, in, along with, but apart from even the alcohol journey of, of that's coming in the fall for me, that's a piece of it. So for me, coaching is this whole new journey, which I'm super excited about and seeing similar transformational midwifery model of, the answers are within us, and as well as doing 30 day teaching in addition to my individual coaching. But my real, journey is along with, you know, my husband having this terminal diagnosis to be present, to be completely available. Present and draw in the supports as I need it so that that dance of comfort and discomfort, that dance of asking for help and being self sufficient and that human experience. So all of this is somehow wrapping together and, it's life, you know, it is life a way that

Justine Clark 22:06

What I'm,

Martha Redpath 22:06

feel excited about it rather than Overwhelmed by it. And I think a lot of, stress previously felt overwhelming, hide it in the bottle. And now I feel like it's doable. I'll find the solutions. I've got this.

Barry Condon 22:22

Amazing. I mean, can you see, like you say that if I was hiding in the bottle, if you look. At yourself, how you would have behaved or how you would have handled things, say five years ago, if you were in the current situation with your husband can you see a difference between how you would have reacted then to now and how that would have played out?

Martha Redpath 22:41

yes, absolutely. I think I was getting smaller, smaller, smaller, smaller, hiding, hiding, hiding, hiding, not appreciating the web of support is allowed when you're open to that. And so that clarity for me. Allows the being present. And otherwise I would be freaking out up to what's the future. Not to say that that's not part of it, but I can. can say I can hold that differently. I can say I can hold that along with the present moment. And I'm not sure, pretty sure I would feel terrible every morning because I'd be over drinking every night. And then I wouldn't have the energy to go for the bike rides. I wouldn't have the energy to go for the hikes and the skis. And I wouldn't have the energy to entertain or go out like, no, can we just stay home and watch TV? So I think that I, I saw myself down this. limited path. And now I'm, I feel much more open to what life is bringing us.

Justine Clark 23:40

and actually speaking to this unique, unique journey that you're on with your husband now, there may be others, listening that are in, similar positions where they are either caregivers or looking after someone with a terminal diagnosis that haven't yet, found their freedom. What would sort of be the big things that you, what would you say to somebody who isn't quite over that line yet and knows they need to change, because they want to make the most of these, this last special time. Have you got something to offer from the inside to, to those in a similar position?

Martha Redpath 24:17

Hmm. I love that question, Justine. I, I think I would just say, really ask yourself, is this serving you? Is this really helping you? And could there be, to open that little window of curiosity, could there be another way would be a better support for you? And, And that's the biggest thing, I think, just, oh, that little sliver of question and turning your head towards it, that would be with kindness, compassion, oh, this, I'm, I might be not right here. This alcohol substance really might not be serving me. And just that question, I think, changes lives and, and to know they're not alone to know that they're not the first person that's been there. And. That they journey will serve others at some point, I think always helps. Yeah.

Barry Condon 25:12

and I think to go back to what you said at the beginning that the science then if you, if you, if you have that curiosity, and then look at the science, then you can quite quickly start to gather information that shows you that. That, you know, that the idea of a stress relief, the idea of escape, the idea of dealing with your anxiety, you actually sort of, you might get a brief relief, but it's actually the next morning you've made things worse and every, and it's a sort of snowballing effect and, and, and once you start to see the reality of that, then it helps you, gain hope that, you know, and, and that maybe the determination to, to, to make a change.

Martha Redpath 25:50

Yeah. Absolutely. And that's so hopeful, you know, in the middle of, something that's hard to feel hopeful is lovely and something I wish for everyone to at least have a. A little glimmer of that. It, it really can be It's not, Oh, somebody else's story. It, it can be theirs too. So

Justine Clark 26:16

Yeah, I love that so much. So sort of summarizing that kind of glimmer, what would be the biggest takeaway or offering to, to those in three words? going in the middle of that struggle.

Martha Redpath 26:32

so, for my three words, I, I chose clarity. so clarity for myself, clarity in my head in the mornings. You can't, that never gets old. hopefulness. Hopefulness in the future, hopefulness for life, for love, and I've sort of combined humor and light because I just felt with the lightness, I, it's like the energy has cleared, it's not so foggy every single day. There's a, a lightness that allows this new exploration, this new curiosity, this new, I wonder what's next, it kind of idea and, Oh my

Justine Clark 27:12

I love that.

Martha Redpath 27:13

know, at 66, that's a beautiful thing to be holding. So

Justine Clark 27:19

Glimmers of wonderment, Martha, glimmers of wonderment.

Martha Redpath 27:24

indeed, absolutely.

Barry Condon 27:25

Yeah, that's amazing.

Martha Redpath 27:27

Yeah. Every day to look for those little glimmers cause they're there. Sometimes we just don't have eyes for them. And so that's been that mindset shift for me to allow those moments to come forward. Even in the thick of everything that might be hard. There are always these little magic moments that are just a gift that fill my heart, that I think, okay, I got this and, can appreciate those appreciations. there's a sticker for the, before the party was appreciation, gratitude, and joy. And my son, that was his toast. We said, if you look around this house, there are all these stickers, appreciation, gratitude, and joy. And that's what this event is about. We just said a big party. 40 anniversary and my husband turning 70. And that was the piece that he took from it. And I love that, that ripple effect, another ripple effect.

Justine Clark 28:22

Love it.

Barry Condon 28:24

Yeah, I think, I think, it's, it's, yeah, it's a ripple effect. And I think, in practical terms, when you, when you're not drinking, you do gain a lot of time because you're not, hung over or you're not, worrying and thinking about when's your next drink coming from. And it leaves you that room, which allows you to be more present and be, more authentic. And then that can lead, if you allow it, to be more grateful and more aware. And that gratitude, and presence is so valuable. And it feels, you know, when you're trying to explain it to someone who's, you know, Not on the same wavelength, perhaps yet, you know, they can sort of think, Oh, that sounds a bit weird or a bit sort of, you know, self, I don't know, self, a bit, you know, a bit wrapped up in yourself and a bit sort of, Ooh, isn't, isn't life wonderful. But, but in the end, it's how you feel inside is, is, is all you have. And that, that it's so important. And if you do, Take the time and, and notice what's going on around you and notice how wonderful things can be. it just, it can fill you up so quickly. That's

Martha Redpath 29:27

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it does. It does. And, and to think that alcohol, I used to think alcohol was the thing that would help. And now have learned. There's nothing about it that helps me, and that's lovely

Justine Clark 29:46

Awesome. And that's probably a great place for us to, to, to wrap up. But before we do, we need to find how others that may be on a similar journey as you, Martha, or, would resonate with you as a coach. How are they going to find you?

Martha Redpath 30:01

so my website is provider space coaching.com, www.providerspacecoaching.com, all spelled out. And on Instagram, it is just provider space. So I'm there. And

Justine Clark 30:16

Amazing.

Martha Redpath 30:17

to be supporting others in this journey. It's quite a privilege to meet all these amazing people. Thank

Justine Clark 30:23

much for being with

Barry Condon 30:24

brilliant, Martha. You're going to help so many people.

Martha Redpath 30:26

Yeah. Thanks. And you too.

Justine Clark 30:29

Thanks so much.

Martha Redpath 30:29

doing this.